


Fallen Angel

by lokitrashno_1



Series: The Mortal Gods [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Anal Fingering, But theres a reason, Caffeine Addiction, Domestic Thorki, Explicit Sexual Content, Homelessness, Human Loki (Marvel), Human Thor (Marvel), Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Just poor poor Loki, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Loki Whump, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Avengers (2012), Pre-Thor: The Dark World, Prostitution, Protective Thor (Marvel), Slow Burn, TDW rewrite, i love him though, ooc Loki, submissive loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-03-25 17:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13839882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokitrashno_1/pseuds/lokitrashno_1
Summary: After the events of New York, Loki is banished to Earth for his crimes as punishment. Thor, unable to bare the thought of Loki alone on Midgard follows, but arrives months later than his brother. Did Loki manage alone? What really happened to him in the void? And can their relationship be redeemed and turn into something more?Self indulgent Loki Whump basically.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OH LOOK. ANOTHER FIC. WILL I FINSIH THIS ONE?? WHO KNOWS????
> 
> ok but seriously, i started a fic similar to this a few years ago and i dropped it. basically, i hadn't planned out the story AT ALL before i started writing, and i went off the idea completely. this time i actually have a story planned out in my head, in fact i have a whole other part & one shots planned out so imma actually stick to it this time lmao. i've written 9 chapters already, i've beaten my personal record.
> 
> This isn't beta read or anything. Like i post chapters on their second to third draft. this is a shitpost of a fic but i'm too mentally challenged to work on something properly so *shurgs* i'm sorry my friends 
> 
> anyway, theres a long time with no Thor in this, but when he pops up again i'll make it up to you, promise!

The marble with hard beneath his bruised and busted knees. He tried not to grimace as the guard pushed him down further, forehead inches from the floor, ribs screaming in protest. That god forsaken monster really did some damage.

Even so, he refused to show any sign of weakness as he knelt before the court, tilting his head to meet his fathers piercing gaze.

No. Not his father.

“Loki,” Odin said. Loki tried to dissect his tone. There was no pride there - not that he was expecting any at this point, but a small part of him had remained hopeful. No, his voice was quiet, hushed, weighed down with disappointment. He couldn’t help but wince. Even after everything, he wished for blinding rage instead.

He said nothing.

Odin stepped down from his throne, walking slowly until he was only a few paces from Loki. Loki stared at his feet, he was close enough to touch.

“Stand.” He ordered, voice still barely more than a whisper. Loki stood, careful not to stumble on the chains wrapped around his ankles. He ignored the screams of his injuries, keeping an indifferent mask upon his face. Odin stared at him for a little while longer, and Loki didn’t break his gaze.

“You’ve always been so blind,” Odin breathed, “Could you not see how much we loved you? You never needed to prove yourself, my son.” Loki felt a pang in his chest at his fathers words, but it was soon overwhelmed with rage.

Lies.

“You never made it very clear.” He quipped, an icy edge to his voice. He bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from speaking further. Throwing a tantrum in front of the All-father, here and now was not a very good idea.

He heard a rustle to Odin’s right and finally broke his gaze. Frigga was stood next to the throne, slightly shadowed by it, but Loki could still make out her eyes, full of tears. Guilt suddenly engulfed him, filling his throat. He stared down at the floor.

“The punishment for this sort of crime is execution.” Odin continued as if Loki hadn’t spoken. Loki’s eyes didn’t leave the floor. He wasn’t surprised - he had been expecting this.

“Father,” he heard Thor behind him, the rustle of his cape as he walked forward. “Don’t-“ Odin held up a finger, cutting him off.

“But I won’t.” he said, softly.

He looked up, eyes wide. Odin was looking at him, gaze soft, sad and almost loving. He couldn’t remember the last time his father had looked at him like that.

_Not his father._

“To the rest of Asgard,” Odin continued, “you were executed privately. A public funeral will be held and there will be a day of mourning.” He stepped back. “I still see light in you, my boy. I will give you one more chance.”

Loki took a shuddering breath in the silence as realisation flooded over him.

“ _No_.” He gasped.

“Father?” Thor asked questioningly.

“They’ll kill me,” Loki carried on before Odin could open his mouth, “is that what you want? You could at least let me die here with _some_ dignity, at least.”

Odin shook his head, “At this point, you do not deserve dignity.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Thor straightened as he realised exactly what his father meant.

“I will show you one small mercy, however. I will send you far away from the place you destroyed, it will be likely no one will recognise you if you keep your head down and lead an honest life.”

Odin took a step back and raised a palm towards Loki. He felt his stomach sink and closes his eyes, not wanting to watch.

“I nearby strip you of your magic-”

Pain flooded every inch of his body as his magic was physically ripped from his being, from his soul. He couldn’t help but let out a suppressed grunt at the sensation . It was like his whole body was crumbling to pieces around him.

“Father!” he heard his brother cry, far, far away. Odin seemed to ignore him.

“And your armour.” His body suddenly felt light as his armour disappeared in a puff of gold, leaving him in nothing but his light shirt and trousers, feeling very exposed.

“And banish you from Asgard for eternity.” He felt a hard shove over his heart and then he was falling, the colours of the bifrost bursting though his eyelids.

The last thing he heard was his mothers voice:

“ _I will be watching over you, my son_.”

And then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is left behind on Asgard with his parents. He makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, thank you so much for your kind words on chapter 1! I really wasn't expecting it! 
> 
> I probably won't update everyday, as i'd quite like to have a buffer of about five chapters at all times, but we'll see how things go~~~

Thor stood stock still, mouth agape, staring at the spot where the bifrost had swallowed up his brother. It had all happened so fast, he had barely anytime to process what was happening.

He turned to his father. “What have you done?”

Odin just looked at him, and Thor couldn’t make out his expression. Behind him, his mother was weeping silently, letting her tears fall.

“He is human now,” Odin said simply, “He will live out the rest of his life on Midgard. Mortal.” He turned away, “It’s up to him how he will live his life. He will struggle, but if he can learn to respect the Midgardians, it’ll be a lot easier on him.

“So thats it?” Thor asked in disbelief, “He’s gone, never to return?”

Odin nodded.

Thor swayed on the spot. No, it couldn’t be. It was all so fast. His brother, his Loki, had escaped death yes, but this way seemed…

“Loki is sick, he needs help.” he said desperately, “The Midgardians won’t see that. They’ll think him a criminal-“

“He is a criminal.” Odin reminded him, then as if reading Thor’s mind, he spoke the words that dealt a deadly blow to Thor’s heart:

“And I forbid you from seeing him.”

No.

It was like his whole world was closing in on himself. No matter what had happened, no matter the nature of Loki’s crime, he was still the most precious thing in existence to Thor. It didn’t matter how Loki felt. Thor couldn’t imagine a future without his brother by his side, it was impossible. On Midgard, Loki would age so much faster, a few years on Asgard would be decades on Earth. Loki would be an old man before Thor took the throne. Hel, if he even made it to an old man. Humans were such fragile things, and Loki on his own on Earth, stripped of his power and godly strength with nothing but the clothes on his back didn’t stand much of a chance. Intelligence and manipulation could only get a person so far, and the end game would most likely be prison, or premature death.

Thor had been lucky when he was banished, he realised now. He had Jane Foster, Mjølnir (eventually) and the promise of return to Asgard. Loki had none of these things. Would the humans recognise him as the man who had tried to rule them only days ago? If so, how would they treat him?

He knew what he needed to do.

He lifted his head higher and looked his father straight in the eyes. “I’m going to see him.”

His face didn’t change, however his mothers crumpled slightly. They had expected this.

Odin sighed, exhausted. “You would disobey that highest orders of this realm?”

Thor swallowed, but didn’t hesitate, “I would.”

Frigga hid her face in her hands. “Thor.” She breathed, but said nothing else.

“And you know the punishment for such a crime?”

“I do.”

Odin nodded gravely, eyes now betraying his sadness.

“I expected this.” he said, “I never truly understood the bond you shared with your brother. It seems nothing could break it.” He took a step forward, “Asgard will mourn the loss of its heir.”

Frigga came forward then and took Thor in her arms. He held her, feeling her tremble. He felt her hurt of loosing both of her children in one day. But she didn’t try to stop him, didn’t try and talk him out of it. He knew she knew that this was the right thing.

“Find him. Look after him.” She whispered in his ear, then she held him at arms length. “Stay strong, my son.” She said, louder this time.

Thor nodded, holding back tears.

Odin lifted his palm for the second time that day.

“I strip you of your power. Your armour. Your hammer. And banish you from Asgard for eternity.”

Thor closed his eyes as the blinding light consumed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor won't be in this for a little while - not until chapter 10! But the reunion will be something... i promise.
> 
> longer chapters from here on out!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki lands on Earth, injured and alone. How will he survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughhhhhhh its happening - i've written 11 chapters in a week and i'm exhausted. I don't want to give up with this though so imma push through! you should go to Twitter and yell at me tho, keep me motivated (@deadrockchariot)
> 
> Thank you all for your support so far <3

Slowly, he came to.

His entire body ached. The pain was several times stronger than it was back at the palace.

Then he remembered. _Stupid human body._

He forced his body up into a sitting position, and cried out in pain as he did so. His ribs were defiantly broken, his arm hung at a funny angle at his side and the cuts along his face stung in the cold.

That was another thing - the cold.

It bit him, penetrating his thin clothes, causing his skin to burn and his body to shiver. He had always been good with the cold, handling winters better than most on Asgard, so why-

It dawned on him. Now he was human, he no longer had his Jötunn blood. He took the cold like any other being.

He got to his feet slowly, wincing as his body protested, and looked around.

He was standing in a Loki sized crater - the impact obviously hadn’t helped his condition at all. A thick, fir forest surrounded him, the floor littered with brambles and ferns that stretched out as far as the eye could see. This obviously wasn’t a populated area. Of course Odin would give him the toughest start possible.

Snow lay thick on the ground, but the sky was a clear blue, no chance of anymore for a while at least.

The sun hung low. Loki estimated it was late afternoon. Probably an hour or so until sunset, then it would be pitch black and even colder. He needed to move now and find shelter otherwise he would surely die within a few hours.

He stepped forward, ignoring the agony rippling through his body. He needed shelter.

————————————

He had been walking for what seemed like hours. The sky was splashed with orange and yellow hues, it was beautiful, but he couldn’t bring himself to admire it right now. It was a very bad sign - night was drawing in fast, the temperature dropping rapidly and he hadn’t found any suitable shelter. He had kept his eyes peeled, begging the Norns to stumble across a cave, a hollowed out tree stump, _something._ But there was nothing.

He cursed, balling his hands into fists. He would not loose his temper, not show any emotion other than determination. What if Odin was watching him? He would refuse to show any weakness in front of that man. Even if he wasn’t watching, Heimdall surely was, he might report back to him.

Or maybe no one was watching him. Maybe even the Gatekeeper had turned his back on him too. He wouldn’t be surprised.

The thought was… lonely.

 

_“I will be watching over you, my son.”_

 

His mothers parting words echoed in his head, and he bit back a sudden onslaught of emotion.

Suddenly, he noticed it. A light shone at him though the trees. He blinked, thinking it may be the sunset but no, it was setting _behind_ him.

Hope flooded his veins and he broke into a desperate run, ignoring the waves of agony that the action sent rippling though his body. If there was light, there was warmth and the promise of shelter.

He broke into a clearing and stopped to catch his breath. It seemed his human stamina wasn’t up to scratch.

There, standing proudly in front of him was a log cabin, golden light emitted from its windows. He almost cried out in relief.

 

The door to the cabin opened and a figure stepped out, walking around the side. Loki squinted slightly - his human eyes didn’t seem to be up to scratch either.

A woman was crouched down in front of a large stack of firewood. She had long, golden hair tied back in a ponytail. White skin, though much darker than the snow surrounding her, and was wrapped head to toe in woollen clothing. Loki’s heart skipped a beat, she looked so much like-

“Mother.” He breathed, his breath clouding in front of him. He hardly dared to believe it. “Moth-“

He stopped abruptly as she turned to face him. Alas, it was not Frigga. On closer inspection she was about half a foot shorter than her, her face bore lines of age and in the faint light he could just about make out that her eyes were green, not blue.

“Are you ok?” She called out to him, voice soft.

He froze as she approached, silently cursing himself. He had gotten his hopes up, tricked by his own exhaustion and childish want for his mother.

Her expression snapped from one of curiosity to one of horror. Loki’s blood ran cold. Had she recognised him?

 

“Oh my goodness, you must be freezing!” She exclaimed, puling her scarf from her neck and wrapping it around his own without hesitation. “What happened to you?” She asked, seeing his injuries.

Loki opened his mouth, but closed it only moments later. He didn’t know what to tell this woman.

“Come inside quickly,” she ordered, taking his arm.

“I don’t want to intrude-“

“Nonsense! You must come inside! A snow storm is forecast to start within the hour.” She tugged on his arm and he blindly followed.

The warmth embraced him as soon as he set foot across the threshold. He could have cried at the feeling it sent through him, his skin tingling pleasantly from the tips of his toes all the way up to his scalp. Before he could soak it all in, he felt himself being manoeuvred into a chair at the kitchen table.

The room was warmly lit with gas lamps, a fire roared in the hearth and Loki had never welcomed heat so much before. The room was furnished with two little patchwork armchairs by the hearth and a tiny kitchenette was tucked away in the corner.

“What happened to you? Can I call anyone for you?” The woman sat down opposite him, her face scrunched up with concern.

_“Heimdall,”_ he thought bitterly, but instead simply said, “No, thank you.”

“Are you sure? Where did you come from?”

“I-“ Loki stopped himself. He could not tell this woman who he was - Loki, the God of Mischief? The same god who had destroyed one of this realms most precious, famous cities in a battle against Earth’s mightiest heroes, cast from Asgard for his crimes? No. That was assuming she would believe him - she would most likely think him senile.

“I… don’t know.” He finally said, a lie jumping to his tongue as quick as ever. “I don’t remember.”

The woman only frowned further, “You don’t remember? What do you remember?”

“My name. My name is Loki.” He said, he didn’t see much point in lying about that, Loki could be a common name around Midgard for all he knew.

“Loki… Do you have any family Loki? Any friends? Anyone who might be looking for you?” She asked softly. Loki bit back a sneer. She was treating him as if he were impaired.

“No I…. I don’t remember.” He lied again.

She sat down in the chair opposite him. “Well, Loki, my name is Anita. I will do my best to help you.”

Loki forced a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“I should call the hospital,” Anita said, standing up again, “I’m not sure anyone will be able to get out here tonight - not with the storm brewing but it’s worth a try.”

She reached for what Loki recognised as a phone.

“No!” He said, suddenly. She turned to him, eyebrows raised. “I mean, no, that won’t be necessary.” He said, trying to come up with an excuse. “I can tend to my injuries myself. I have… first aid experience.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. Loki had taken it upon himself to learn basic medical skills. The adventures Thor always insisted on taking him on weren’t always the safest and someone always ended up getting hurt along the way. After a particularly nasty incident involving a giant spider, Loki had shut himself in the palace library for a few days, learning all he could about first aid and different venoms.

He thought of his brother then, and his heart ached.

“But sweet, if you can’t remember what happened to you… You could have some serious brain damage.”

“I’ll make my own way to the hospital.” He said.

“Not in this weather you won’t.” Anita snapped. Within the past few minutes it had started to snow, wind gushing past the cabin. “Stay here until the storm lets up at least,” she said, “You won’t survive five minutes out there by yourself, and my car broke down yesterday…”

“I really don’t want to be a bother,” he said, and he found he actually _didn’t_. This woman was showing him so much kindness - he didn’t deserve it. Not after what he had done.

“You won’t,” she said, smiling softly, “I’d appreciate the company. My son was supposed to be coming to visit, but he cancelled because of the storm.”

Loki nodded slowly. “If you’re really sure…”

“Of course I am, sweet.” She said, disappearing into the kitchenette. She re-appeared moments later holding a bottle of water and a small white disk. “You must be in pain, take this. It’ll help.”

Loki nodded, taking the disk in his hand. He wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it, he had never seen humans with something like this before…

“You swallow it,” Anita spoke up as if hearing his thoughts. He nodded again and tipped the pill into his mouth, using the water to guide it down smoothly.

He hadn’t realised just how parched he was in that moment and found himself drinking more, the liquid soothing his throat and clearing his head.

He felt a hand on his arm, “Slowly, don’t make yourself sick.” Anita smiled sadly. “Oh, you look like you’ve been to hell and back.”

Loki grimaced. “I feel like it.”

She stood again, “I’ll fix you some soup, you must be hungry.” He was, he noticed. He was so hungry it hurt. How long had it been since he had eaten? It must have been some time after he arrived in New York, and he didn’t remember eating much during the duration of his “visit” either. He was surprised he was still alive, now in human form.

She paused, “Before I do…” she gestured to his arm. “Your shoulder looks dislocated. We need to pop it back in.”

Oh, that didn’t sound fun.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine-“

“Don’t be stupid, if it heals like that you won’t be able to use it.” She looked around, deep in thought. “I don’t have any pain killers stronger than paracetamol..” she drifted over to a cabinet and poured a glass of something and put it down in front of him. It reeked of alcohol. “Drink this. It’ll help.”

Loki eyed it cautiously, but lifted to his lips after sparing a glance at Anita’s face. She looked like if he didn’t drink it willingly, she would force it down his throat. For a kind old lady, she was also very strict, and there was an air about her, like she was not to be messed with.

 

Oh, how she reminded him of Frigga.

 

He downed the entire glass in one go. He had never been a big drinker - Thor took that for the both of them. The alcohol burned his tongue.

He was thinking about Thor again.

He wasn’t for long though, a loud CRACK filled the air, and it took a moment for Loki to realise it was his own arm being pushed back into its socket. His shoulder exploded with pain and he shouted a curse, resting his head on the table.

“All done. The alcohol should kick in soon, it’ll help numb the pain.” She was sympathetic, but also seemed to not spare it a second thought, as if ignoring it might make the pain go away.

He groaned, head swimming with pain. The pain better numb soon.

By the time a steaming bowl was placed in front of him, he felt a little better, better enough to shovel the soup into his mouth one handed, remembering just how hungry he was. He soup warmed him from the inside out, he didn’t even care that he burned his tongue and throat. He just needed the warmth….

Anita was telling him to slow down again, but he only half listened.

The pain was starting to fade now, not just in his shoulder, but everywhere. His head felt wonderfully light and he began to feel sleepy. He wondered for a second if Anita had poisoned him. The thought must have shown on his face, because Anita chuckled lightly.

“Don’t worry. You’ve just had a lot of whisky… A lot of whisky. With the state you’re in it’s defiantly more effective that paracetamol.”

He just nodded. She smiled at him kindly.

“You should get cleaned up, I’ll run you a bath. You can sleep in the spare room - I have some of my sons spare clothes in the wardrobe. He’s shorter than you but a lot bigger, so they should fit.”

“Thank you. For all your trouble.” Loki said, startled to find his words slightly slurred. He had never been drunk before, always preferring to keep to his limit. He hadn’t been old enough to drink for long on Asgard anyway.

“It’s no problem at all dear,” she smiled. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki spends the night recovering, and receives a special visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me updating nearly every other day - whoop!

The bath was so blissfully warm, Loki considered sleeping there. But he couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t so he slapped himself awake. He needed to clean himself. He was filthy and covered in wounds, many still open. He needed to tend to them or they'd risk infection.

So he washed, cringing when soap entered his open, still raw cuts. _They’re being cleaned_ , he told himself as he worked though the pain.

When all the dirt had been scrubbed off, he climbed from the tub, wincing at the movement and caught sight of himself in the mirror.

He was a mess. He was paler than usual, his skin looking almost translucent. There were angry red marks around his neck, mouth, wrists and ankles where the chains and gag had been. His body was littered with cuts and scrapes, a few nasty gashes on his thighs and across his chest. They would need stitches. His ribs were turning a nasty shade of maroon.

He opened the first aid kit and got to work. He wiped the gashes with antiseptic first before rummaging around in the draws. In one of the bottom draws, he found a sewing kit. It wasn’t the right equipment but it would have to do. He soaked the needle in the antiseptic first, then the thread and threaded the needle, then pushing it into the skin of his thigh. He gasped, it hurt a lot more than he thought it would, but he pushed on, biting down on the fabric of his shirt so he wouldn’t make a noise and startle Anita. After he was done with his leg, he tied the stitches and cut the tread. It was a mess, his hands too shaky to do a half decent job. But it would ward off infection. Hopefully.

He started on the gash on his chest, which took a little longer due to the awkward angle and the fact he was using the mirror as a reference point. It wasn’t any less painful.

Afterward he put plasters on his less serious injuries, wrapped a badge around his ribs and his shoulder, binding his arm to his chest.

He left the bathroom, towelling his hair dry with one hand and made for the room Anita had made up for him. It was small, with barely enough room for both the single bed and the dresser. Clothes were laid out on the covers. Thick pyjama bottoms and a cotton shirt. He pulled them on quickly, the air growing chillier now he was out of the steamy bathroom. The clothes were comfortable, so soft against his skin. It rivalled Asgards finest silk.

He climbed between the covers and was asleep within seconds.

* * *

 

_He stared up at the giants face, lips pressed together tightly. He would not give in._

_“I know what you want, Loki.” It said, voice rumbling though the dark, vibrating though his body. “And I can give it to you.”_

_Loki shook his head. “I am no killer.” He insisted. Suddenly, the burning was back at his side and he cried out, but he didn’t beg for mercy. He never would._

_“I know what you want more than anything else in the world, and I can give it to you. You will have an army. You will rule. You can_ show them _.”_

_Loki closed his eyes. **No** , he thought to himself. **Do not give in**._

_The heat was back, hotter this time and he couldn’t help the strangled shriek that left his lips. It was such an ugly, pitiful noise._

_He blacked out, but when he came to, that giant purple face was staring at him again._

_“You will give in, Prince. I know you will. Do you think they would admire you for resisting me? Or do you think they’ll admire you more as a ruthless leader. Think about it.” He turned and left._

_And think about it Loki did._

* * *

 

Loki awoke shaking, wrapped in a tight heat - it was stifling. _Could he be back there?_ His heart pounded as his lungs fought for breath.

He sat upright, fighting the restraints around him, looking around. Ah, of course. He was in the little box room of Anita’s cabin - she must have put more blankets on him while he slept.

He began to relax, sinking back into the pillows as the pain in his ribs became more apparent. They ached, almost unbearably so. He must have slept on them wrong.

A knock on the door made him flinch.

“Loki, sweet, are you ok? Can I come in?” he exhaled, it was just Anita.

Loki nodded, before realising she couldn’t see him through the door. He mentally smacked himself.

“Yes,” he replied hurriedly.

The door clicked open and Anita appeared, carrying a tray laid with bread, juice and soup. Loki’s stomach gurgled loudly.

“I thought I heard movement. How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He lied. He felt the furthest thing from it. His throat was dry, he was still shaken from his nightmare and his whole body _hurt_.

“I thought so,” she said in a tone that told him she could see through his entire act. She pressed two of the same white disks she had given him before into his hand - paracetamol, and held out the juice when he tipped them into his mouth.

“You’ve been asleep for just over twenty-four hours,” she informed him, “You were completely out of it.”

“I’m sorry for the trouble,” he found himself saying.

Anita waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t be, you needed it.”

Loki just looked away, ashamed of his vunrability. “I’ll leave tomorrow,” he decided, “I’ve caused enough trouble already." 

Her face fell slightly.

“Are you sure? I would rather you stayed for a week at least… You have a lot of recovering to do.” She eyed the bandages peaking out of the collar of Loki’s shirt.

He shook his head, “No, thank you. I’ll be fine.” He needed to move before she recognised him...

She nodded, but didn’t look convinced. “Where will you go?”

Loki thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know…” He trailed off, suddenly realising he didn’t know where he was in the first place. It was Midgard, but where? In all of his confusion and pain he had forgotten to ask.

“Where… is this place?” He asked tentatively.

Anita frowned, the worry from the previous day seeping back into her eyes. “We’re not too far from Oslo, sweet.”

“Oslo…” he knew that name. He closed his eyes, racking his brain. He had learnt Midgardian geography when he was a child, but he couldn’t remember…

“We’re in Norway, hon.”

“Ah.” He knew Norway. He knew all about Norway and their “mythology”. What was Odin trying to achieve by sending him here?

“I’ll go to Oslo,” he continued, then an idea sprang to mind: “I think… I can find out who I am there. Maybe try and find out if I have family. It seems familiar... somehow.”

Anita seemed to take the bait, and she smiled. “Of course, that’s a good idea. Your parents must be worried sick.”

_Ha._

* * *

 

He spent the rest of the day in bed, as per Anita’s orders. It wasn’t so bad. He thought he would be bored but it turned out Anita had shelves stacked full of fiction novels. He spent the day reading, and by sundown he had finished an entire book.

Once Anita bade him goodnight, he lay in the darkness, gazing up at the ceiling. The horrible feeling of uncertainty was back - he left tomorrow. What would he do once he got to Oslo? Where would he go? He had no place to go. He sighed, pulling the duvet up over his shoulders. Truthfully, he did not want to leave this cabin. It was so warm, so safe and Anita was so welcoming and hospitable. But if he stayed for too long she would realise who he was, what he had done…

“Loki?”

He sat up, startled at the voice. A new voice. It wasn’t Anita, who was -

He gasped. “Mother.”

Frigga stood at the side of his bed, smiling down at him sadly.

“Mother, I…” He reached out for her hand, but only grasped the air in front of him. She wasn’t really here.

“I'm sorry, my boy.” She whispered, sensing his disappointment, and she looked like she meant it. “I’m breaking every law just being here like this.”

He nodded, understanding. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

“I wanted to see you,” she replied softly.

“Oh.” He lay back on the pillows. The silence stretched out between them.

“It’ll be a lot easier soon, Loki.” Frigga said, reaching out as if to stroke his hair, but changed her mind at the last second. “I promise.”

“How? How can you promise that?” his voice cracked, unsuccessfully trying to keep the emotion from flooding his voice.

She just gazed at him sympathetically.

Loki had so much he wanted to say to her. Why didn’t Odin just kill him? Why did she still care? He even briefly considered telling her everything that had happened, maybe then he could go back to Asgard… but if he did, he’d look even weaker than he already was in her eyes. He could never tell her. No words came out. Instead, he turned his head and closed his eyes.

After hours of childish pining, wanting her by his side, her reassurance, her comforting touch… he found he just wanted to be alone.

There was a rush of air that ticked his face. He cracked one eye open to find that she was gone. He was alone in his dark room once more.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes his way into the city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter for y'all. i actually took a week off writing this but I'm planning on continuing after I post this!

Loki woke late the next morning. He had drifted in and out of consciousness for hours, startled awake by nightmares and lulled back to sleep by his exhaustion.

He found a fresh set of clothes laid out on the quilt on top of him. A green shirt, black hoodie and skinny jeans. He assumed they belonged to Anita’s son. He pulled them on. The jeans were a little too short above the ankle, but the rest of the clothes fit well, if not a little baggy.

Once he was dressed he wandered into the kitchen.

Anita was standing at the table, packing an assortment of objects into a large backpack. She smiled at him as he entered, although it didn’t meet her eyes.

Loki eyed the backpack, “You don’t have to-“

“I do.” Anita cut across him, and continued packing.

He ate breakfast in silence, listening as Anita listed off everything she had packed for him. Spare clothes (including the ones he had arrived in, freshly washed and laundered), a map of the city, several bottles of water and at least two days worth of energy bars, paracetamol, a city guide, and most importantly, money.

Loki took the envelope of bills and flicked though it, counting. There was 4000 Krone there.

“This is far too much,” he protested. It was hard to believe a little old lady had five hundred dollars cash just lying around her house, not least that she was giving it to him for free.

“It’s enough.” She said, taking the envelope from him and placing it neatly on top of his clothes and zipping the bag shut.

“I don’t think I could ever repay you,” Loki said, “you’ve done so much for me, and surely you need that money.”

Anita chuckled. “I’ve gotten so much money since my retirement, I don’t know what to do with it all! Besides, you need it more than I do.”

On top of all that, she forced him into a big black puffy coat, thick gloves and wrapped a scarf around his neck.

She also insisted on driving him to the train station, having fixed her car while he was sleeping. He was grateful, he wasn’t sure how far he could walk with his broken ribs.

She brought him his ticket and pointed out his platform number. She walked with him all the way to the ticket gates.

“Thank you.” He said, “For all that you have done. If I can ever find a way to repay you -“

She held up a hand, cutting him off. “Don’t you worry about that. You just focus on finding your family and getting back on your feet.”

He didn’t have the energy to argue with her, so he just gave her what he hoped was a grateful smile.

He turned to slot his ticket into the machine. Once on the other side, he turned to say one final goodbye, but she had already gone.

* * *

The train was heated, thank goodness, allowing Loki to shrug off his giant overcoat.

He rested his head against the window and sighed, his breath fogging up the glass. He watched the snow covered countryside roll by, and it soothed him.

But he still needed to come up with a plan, and fast.

He would have to get a job, that much was obvious, but where? He doubted he had the skills for most Midgardian jobs. He was in no condition for manual labour, and he didn’t know enough about computers to work with one.

And then there was the issue of shelter. He had enough money for a hotel - for a few nights at least. But was that really a good idea? If Earth was anything like Asgard (which it wasn’t, really) inns required you to leave a name at the reception when occupying a room. Loki didn’t really want to leave a paper trail, fearing SHIELD might learn of his location. He could always use a fake name, but no, humans were obsessive about identification, and he didn’t have any. Hel, he didn’t legally exist outside of SHIELD’s database, and there he was a criminal.

He slumped further down in his seat, wincing at the pain in his ribs. He remembered the painkillers Anita had packed for him and immediately began rummaging. He pulled out the box and popped two pills onto his palm, swallowing them dry.

He had to face facts - he had no plan. At this rate, he was facing sleeping on the streets. He shuddered at the idea. He was going from Prince of Asgard, living life in luxury to a throw away war criminal, left discarded and unwanted.

That was fair, he supposed.

He frowned, pulling out the city map, he spread it out on his knees and studied it. He could take another train from the inner city to the outskirts, and seek shelter in the more densely populated areas. It was less likely he would be seen there, and there may even be some other homeless people he could blend in with. He cringed.

He would need supplies. Blankets, a tent maybe. The weather here was bitterly cold. The money Anita had given him would pay for food for a few weeks at least. That would buy him time to think of what to do next.

He felt numb.

* * *

Loki stepped off the train at his second stop, heaving his backpack over one shoulder. He was in a smaller part of the city now, there were less people and it was a lot more run down than the buildings that had surrounded the city skyscrapers. He walked with his nose buried in the map, making his way to a outdoor supplies store.

It turned out everything there was very expensive, but he had no other choice. He brought a small tent, three blankets, a small metal box to light a fire in, a torch and a larger bag to carry it all in. The total ate up over half of his money but he found he didn’t really care. He had shelter now, at least.

Carrying his luggage around trying to find a place to set up camp was exhausting, not to mention painful. He had to stop for frequent breaks, collapsing down on park benches, sipping water and taking more pain killers. It was starting to get darker now. He needed to find somewhere fast.

He found himself sniffing the air. A bakery was near by. His stomach rumbled at the sweet smell of freshly baked bread. He hadn’t eaten since leaving Anita’s, so he decided to treat himself. He brought a selection of pastries. He would eat like a king tonight, for perhaps the last time in his measly human life.

A dark alleyway behind the shop caught his eye. It looked very inclosed. He squeezed past the large waste bins and around a corner where he came to a dead end. He looked around, it was dark. Pulling out his torch he shone the light sound his surroundings. There wasn’t much there, none of the surrounding buildings had windows facing his direction and heat poured from the vent on the back of the bakery building. It would do.

He set up his tent without difficulty. It was a pop up, meaning it was small. He just about fit inside if he curled up his legs. He lay two of the blankets on the ground to cushion his injuries from the hard, concrete floor and sat down. It was uncomfortable, but it was the best he had. He pulled his other blanket over him and began to eat his pastries.

They were delicious, and fresh from the oven. The warmness filled him from the inside out and he ate hungrily. Before he knew it, he was finished.

He took a few swigs of water from one of his bottles and used his smaller bag as a pillow and quickly fell into sleep.

* * *

_The heat was sweltering. They had increased it again. Still, he would not cave._

_He stripped down to his underclothes and lay on the floor, the room spinning around him. It was unpleasant, but compared to everything else they had tried on him, it was bearable._

_He heard someone approaching and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath._

_“Having fun?” He drawled without turning his head._

_“Yes, thank you.” said his visitor._

_“What else do you have in store for today? This can’t be it, can it? Awfully plain. And boring.”_

_“I actually just wanted to talk today,” his massive shadow cast over him, he still didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t want to admit it, but the heat was starting to make him nauseous._

_“Oh? Thats awfully tame of you.”_

_“Tell me more about your childhood, Prince.”_

_He cracked open an eyelid, but didn’t look at him. “Ah. Why? Looking for more material to use against me?”_

_A foot met his side and he grunted at the pain. He curled his legs up to his chest in futile defence._

_“Tell me about your father. Why didn’t he tell you about your true heritage?”_

_“Didn’t want me to feel bad about it I guess, that would be too much for him to handle.”_

_“Not a very caring man then?”_

_“No. Not really. Never to me. To Thor though…” He couldn’t help it, the thought of his brother caused anger to bubble in his chest. He didn’t want to think about this anymore._

_“Tell me more.”_

_Loki closed his eyes tight. No, this is what he wanted. He wanted him to get angry. He needed to stay calm._

_“I’m not really in the mood.”_

_He was kicked again, this time with enough force to send him flying across the room. He hit the stone wall with a thud and he groaned._

_“Tell me more.” He repeated._

_“No.”_

_He finally left him alone an hour later, after Loki was beaten bloody and lying in a useless heap on the floor. All his limbs were broken now. No matter - they’ll patch him up when they wanted to do it all over again._

_The heat was more intense now._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4000 krone is like £370/$420(lol) 
> 
> at least I'm learning about Norwegian currency with this fic aha
> 
> also watching Laid Back Camp made me want to go (or at least, write about) camping. but Loki's camping is like, sad camping as opposed to happy camping. sorry Loki.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets money...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter here. the chapters do start getting longer when Thor shows up 
> 
> warnings come into play here (torture, violence)

The money was running out too fast for Loki’s liking.

He budgeted, scrounged, made as many sacrifices he could but it wasn’t helping. He was hungry all the time, it seemed. Stupid healing human body.

When he wasn’t looking for food or eating it, he was sleeping. He knew it was because of his injuries, but the cold wasn’t helping. He tried to walk at least two blocks everyday to keep his fitness levels up and clear his head.

After a while, he could tell he was being watched.

By who, he didn’t know. Heimdall was most likely watching him, but it wasn’t him that was causing the uneasiness in Loki’s stomach. There was someone else, and no matter where he looked - he couldn’t find them.

Loki cradled the paper cup in his hands, feeling the warmth of the coffee slip down his throat. That was another thing that wasn’t helping his funds - he had developed quite a caffeine addiction. When he drank coffee he got a burst of energy so different from his usual sluggish self, and most importantly, it was _hot_.

“Hey, how much?”

Loki started, coming to a stop in the middle of the street. A man was grasping his arm tightly, almost urgently. He spoke in a hiss.

“I’m… sorry?” Loki wrenched his arm away.

“How much?” The man asked again.

“I don’t know what you’re implying…”

The man pushed him down his alleyway, out of the bustle of the city streets. Loki growled defensively, trying to shake the man off one handed.

“No, listen, how much are you? What are your prices.”

_Ohhh._

Loki stared at the man aghast. How could he think he would partake in something like that?

“I’ve been watching you for a few weeks now, I know you’re one of them. You always have money for food, you’re never begging… don’t worry, I’m not a cop.”

“And I’m not a slut.” He spat, wrenching his arm free and making for the mouth of the alley.

“Wait! I know you’re running low on cash, I could help you.”

Ahh. This was who had been watching him then.

“I’d rather you didn’t.” he said coldly.

“I’ll give you four hundred!”

Loki stopped in his tracks. Four hundred could feed him for a couple of weeks…

No, what was he thinking?! He couldn’t go through with this. He was a prince for gods sakes!

_Not anymore._

“No, thank you.” He said, storming out of the alleyway.

* * *

  
The money ran out.

He lay on his blankets, staring up at the early morning sky. He hadn’t eaten in two days, and it felt like his stomach was tearing itself apart. He groaned, swallowing his two paracetamol. He had run out of those too. The pain in his body wasn’t getting any better.

He had removed his stitches the previous day using a pocket knife. It had hurt, he had obviously left them in for too long. He had ripped new slits into his skin in the process, but they weren’t so bad. Although when the wind blew they stung.

There was a rustling beside him and he turned his head, too tired to be startled. The man from the other day was back. Loki groaned.

“I’d appreciate it if you could leave me alone.”

“A peace offering,” the man bent down and placed a steaming cup of coffee down next to Loki’s head.

Oh, sweet, sweet coffee. The smell filled his nostrils and he couldn’t help but extend a hand towards it, chugging it down so fast it burned his mouth. He didn’t care.

“The offer still stands by the way,” the man continued.

“Sure.” Loki cradled the cup in his hands, shivering in bliss at the warmth. “Why? I mean, what makes you go up to someone in the street and ask them for that kind of thing?”

The man shrugged. “I want to help you,” he said, “But I want something in return.”

Loki chuckled, a low empty sound. Humans were so, so selfish. But also surprisingly resourceful. But he considered it.

“Four hundred for what?” He could hardly believe he was asking.

“A blowjob.” The man said simply, as if he did this everyday. Come to think of it, he probably did. “Eight hundred for sex. Twelve hundred for both.”

Loki’s stomach turned. He couldn’t tell if it was the hunger or revulsion.

What other choice did he have? Well, there was begging, but he refused to do such a pitiful thing in front of the hundreds that would pass him in the street. At least this way, it was only one person that would see him… And Odin would never approve. Loki imagined the revolted look on the Allfathers face and the corner of his mouth twitched. He was of Asgard - their ex-prince doing this would disgrace the whole realm, most of all Odin himself…

“Four hundred.” He agreed.

* * *

He did it.

He clutched the two hundred Krone bills in his fist as he dry heaved into the bin.

He could go and get food. He could eat now. But he found that was the last thing he wanted to do.

He rinsed his mouth with water and then spat on the ground. He could still taste it.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before, he had fooled around as a teenager but only a few times. He was sure he preferred men to women. No, what sickened him so was lowering himself to that kind of level; doing it with someone he had never met and for the sole purpose of survival.

He spared a thought for the whores in the brothels on Asgard. He suddenly felt very sorry for them.

He was one of them now.

_No, this was a one time thing_ , he told himself. He couldn’t do this again. Never again.

_“I’ll be watching over you, my son.”..._ Had Frigga seen what he did? What was she thinking right now? Would she appear before him tonight, face weighed down with disappointment and disgust?

_I need to eat_ , he thought. His head was light and he could hardly see straight. As much as he hated the idea, he needed food or what he had just done was for nothing.

He brought some bread and soup from the bakery and sat eating them in his tent. He only managed the soup and a few bites of bread before he curled up into a ball under his blankets, willing his body to keep the food down. He groaned, wishing for painkillers. He would have to get some more. And while he was at it, alcohol. It would help him sleep at night.

* * *

_They were getting more and more creative with their tortures._

_They had finally realised just how quickly he could heal himself. Once, one of them accidentally cut off his little finger as they carved runes into his arm. The runes didn’t do anything, they were nothing he had seen during his studies anyway, and Loki was pretty sure he knew most of them. No, they were most likely words in their language, perhaps mocking him, claiming him as their own._

_He managed to regrow his finger within a couple of days. He wanted to be intact by the time he escaped._

_He was foolish, though. He shouldn’t have let them see. He should have kept the bandages on. As soon as they noticed his regrown limb, they became excited. Another way to break him._

_So they strapped him down and cut off each digit one by one. Two for every time he refused to answer a question, lied or gave an answer that didn’t satisfy the Titan._

_And days later they grew back, ready for another round._

_It was what broke him in the end._

_“I’ll do it,” he growled one day, finally, after the toes had been removed from his feet. “I’ll do it.”_

_The Titan cracked a smile. “Very good my prince. However, you still have ways to go.”_

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk shit summary. 
> 
> and if you thought things couldn't get any worse....
> 
> another very bitty chapter sorry i can't write

He awoke from the nightmare shaking. He counted every finger, every toe, just to make sure they were still there. They were, complete with the fiery red scars at their bases.

He didn’t eat breakfast that morning, instead he forced himself on his usual walk, trying to shake the memories from his mind.

He knocked back two tablets for the pain building in his temples and set off, route ingrained in him by now. He had no idea how long he had been here; he had stopped counting the days after about a week. It must be approaching a month by now, although he wouldn’t be surprised if it was a year. The air was still bitterly cold and didn’t show any signs of warming. According to the newspaper he read a few days ago, it was only going to get worse.

He stopped when one of the shop windows caught his eye. Books, stacked from the ground upwards in the windows in multicoloured gradients called to him.

It was a book shop, a second hand book shop, the sign told him. He hadn’t seen this before, had it just opened?

Curious, he pushed the door open and went inside.

It was quiet, it seemed he was the only one there. He took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of books. He felt a pang of homesickness - it smelt just like the palace library.

“Ah, welcome!”

Loki flinched and spun around. A man was standing behind him. He was an inch or so taller than Loki with white hair and a friendly face.

“You’re my first customer!” He continued, beaming, approaching him. “I only opened yesterday, but no one seemed to take any notice.”

Loki just nodded.

“Anyway, feel free to look around!” And he disappeared behind a shelf as quickly as he had appeared.

Loki cautiously made his way through the shelves, drinking in all the books on offer, so many different subjects - both fiction and non-fiction. Nearly all of them were books he had never seen before, none of these books were available on Asgard. He eyed the titles hungrily.

They weren’t very expensive, he noted, the prices never venturing far above thirty krone. A second hand bookshop, what an ingenious idea. Maybe Midgardians were more intelligent than Loki gave them credit for.

He couldn’t help himself. It was so boring just sitting in his tent, letting his thoughts turn over and over in his head for hours on end. He had always been very hard to entertain, more so as a boy. His parents quickly learnt that he needed to be occupied or things would be broken, pranks played on unsuspecting servants. Odin often joked that entertaining Loki was harder than fighting a war.

He picked out five titles, two fiction and the rest non-fiction, on a range of subjects Loki knew little about. Since he was stuck here for the foreseeable future, he may as well read up about Midgardian life.

“Thank you!” The owner beamed, handing him his purchases in a plastic carrier bag, “Please come again!”

He supposed he would.

His books were more detailed than the ones on Asgard. The Asgardian books only told of smaller details, and not of many places outside of the Nordics. The Midgardian books told him of world wars, the colonisation of new lands and far away cultures.

He read all day, wrapped up in his blankets with multiple cups of coffee. He read until night fell.

When the streets were silent and the sky pitch black, the man returned, this time with comrades. They offered him fifteen hundred krone, and he accepted with little argument. He did what they asked and they left him an hour later curled up in his tent, sore and clutching the cash like a lifeline.

* * *

 

He was seeing a variety of men now, word had gotten around, and he found himself getting very little sleep. What they had him do differed every night, but each act made his stomach turn. Still, he earned more money and he rarely went hungry - when he decided he wanted to eat, that was. He was able to spend more and more time at the bookshop, curled up on the sofa in the corner, sipping the coffee the owner made for him.

He was getting to be on quite good terms with Mr. Hagen. He didn’t ask questions, which Loki liked, and when they did talk it was always about the book Loki was reading, or ones Hagen recommended to him.

He was reading in his tent when a man approached him.

“Are you Loki?” He asked.

“Yes.” he said without looking up from his book. He was reading a fiction novel now, and he was getting quite into it.

“How much for a fuck?”

“A thousand.” He replied, eyes not drifting from the page.

“Make it eight hundred and I’ll pay for a hotel room for a couple of days. We can spend one night together, but then after that its all yours.”

Loki raised his eyebrows. He didn’t like to haggle, but what this man was proposing sounded appealing.

“Make it at least four stars and you have a deal.”

* * *

  
He was given an address and a room number. He packed a small bag with a change of clothes and some books and knocked on the door at exactly six pm. The man was rough with him, but paid him promptly and left before midnight.

Loki lay in the middle of the bed exactly where the man had left him. He was too spent to move and he ached all over. Besides, the bed was so comfortable. It wasn’t as good as his bed back in the palace but it beat a concrete floor layered with blankets by miles.

When he woke the nest morning, he decided to take full advantage of the hotels amenities. It was all paid for another night.

First he took a shower, and sighed in pure bliss as the hot water ran over his sore body. He hadn’t had the chance to have a proper wash since Anita’s cabin, always scrubbing himself semi-clean in public bathrooms. Despite living on the streets, Loki was still very particular about hygiene, he always had been. He rubbed fistfuls of shampoo into his greasy locks, and scrubbed until his skin was raw. He shaved his body, even the slight fuzz that had started growing on his face, brushed his teeth until his gums bled and even moisturised his skin. He didn’t know if he’d get the chance again after all.

He ate his meals overlooking the city, accompanied with a glass of wine. It was almost like being back on Asgard again.

Almost.

He slept comfortably that night too, cradled by the tick duvet and many pillows, heater humming slightly in the background. He read until his eyes felt heavy and he sunk into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

  
He had checked out of the hotel before 9am and decided to head to the book shop. The warmth in the hotel was so blissful and comforting, he didn’t want to go back to the coldness just yet. Hagen looked up as he entered, and greeted him with a smile.

“I missed you yesterday,” he said, bringing Loki his usual coffee.

Loki flashed a smile in thanks, “Sorry, I was… Otherwise occupied.”

Hagen didn’t question it, thank the Norns.

“Here, we got a new batch in yesterday, want to have first pickings?”

Loki rummaged though the battered cardboard box, skimming the backs of each book. He picked out three; a history book, a biography and a book on cars. Loki had seen a lot of them since arriving in the city, and wished to know all about them.

By dusk he had finished all three. He “re-donated” them for Hagen to sell again and bade him goodnight.

It was cold, but the intensity of it no longer shocked him. He walked with his hands buried deep in his coat, faze nuzzled into his scarf.

He brought an iced bun from the bakery before turning into the alleyway. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

When he arrived back in his makeshift camp, he stopped dead, bun falling from his fingers.

All his stuff was gone.

He spun wildly, heart pounding in his chest. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” He hissed under his breath, looking all around the alley, lifting up the lids of the bins. “ _Shit!_ ”

His tent, blankets and other bits were gone. All he had left was his minimal belongings in his small backpack.

_No, no, don’t give up yet, think. Who could have taken them?_

Was it those men? The regulars? They always came to him in his alley, they knew all his stuff was here. Did they notice him gone the past couple of nights and decide to steal everything? Or was it all planned? Had that other man lured him away so that he could be robbed?

His breath quickened, his hands balled into fists. _What to do, what to do, what to do what to do what to do?_

His mind was blank.

He turned on his heel and ran. He didn’t know where he was running to - just just wanted to run. Run and escape this nightmare, the reality of his situation hitting him in the chest like a freight train. He wanted out, he didn’t want to deal with this anymore, why didn’t Odin just kill him? Surely death was better than this, surely…

He had to stop, clutching the stitch in his side, gasping for air. He didn’t know how far he had run, but his legs ached and a headache as beginning to form. He forced himself to take deep breaths. Calm down, he told himself, calm down…

He couldn’t calm down, so he went to the nearest corner store and brought boxes of painkillers and half a litre of vodka. He sat on a park bench, swallowing a handful of pills with a swig of the blessed alcohol. He didn’t want to think right now.

Half an hour later, he hung his head hung off the back of the bench, staring drunkenly into the sky, watching the moon slowly move. He felt completely out of it.

_Good._

“Oi, you got anything for us?”

Loki groaned, lifting his head, but it was so heavy it drooped back onto his chest. There were people here. Humans. Stupid humans. Why couldn't the humans just leave him alone?

“He’s pissed. Just take his bag.”

“No,” Loki slurred, reaching out and hugging his backpack. “Mine.”

There were three men standing in front of him. Or were there five? Six maybe? He couldn’t tell.

One of the men laughed. “You should had it over if you know whats good for you.”

Loki snorted, he had just lost hover half of his possessions and these guys wanted to take away the rest? No-fucking-way.

“Nah. Fuck off.”

One of the men made a sudden movement, and something glinted in the moonlight.

“You wanna get cut, pal?”

Was that a knife? Loki laughed out loud, a shrill, unfamiliar sound. He was a god! What was the fool expecting to happen? A plain old kitchen blade couldn’t hurt him.

… ow.

He looked down. Red was seeping out of his shoulder. Ahhhh, he’d stabbed him.

“Give it over buddy and you get out of here alive.”

It didn’t even hurt. Foolish mortal. Loki stood, still clutching the bag. He sneered.

“You dare disrespect a god? You will have the wrath of Asgard upon you!”

There was silence for a moment, and then laughter.

“He’s crazy!”

“Just knock him out, Egil.”

Loki swung a punch in the direction of the blurred figures. His fist met nothing. They cackled.

“Seriously, I’m bored now.”

A blow to the gut sent Loki tumbling to the floor, he landed on his back, head cracking against the hard concrete. The bag was wrenched from his grip.

A face swum into view, “Thanks buddy.”

Loki didn’t know what to do. The last of his possessions, his money, were in that bag. If that was taken from him, he'd have nothing. He had to do something, but he didn’t know-

He spat in the mans face.

The man flinched back, frozen for a second.

“The fuck you do that for?”

A fist collided with Loki’s face and a grunt escaped his lips.

“He spat at me! Are you useless lumps just gonna stand there?!”

More fists now, punching and kicking at every inch of his body, yet he still felt no pain. He didn’t feel much of anything, actually, so he just lay there and took it.

_If he fought back they’d cut off his fingers-_

Warm wetness across his neck and then he was choking, gasping for breath. His vision was still hazy, but he knew he was alone now, the thuds of their hurried footsteps fading into the night.  He coughed, spitting onto the ground and he curled up on his side. He hadn’t resisted, why had they cut him? Did they ask him a question? He didn’t hear a question. Were they attacking him for fun now?

He didn’t care. He was starting to hurt. He wanted to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've planned out like 23 chapters for this fic i kinda wanna die lmao


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes in the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less than a month to go until Infinity War and I am so scared you don't understand
> 
> If either Thor or Loki (especially Loki) die I'm not going to see the film and I'm just gonna pretend it doesn't exist tbh I love my boys and if anyone lays a finger on them I'm just going to blank it out
> 
> Anyway a new chapter enjoy I guess

A shrill beeping filled his ears and he groaned. He was tired, it was annoying and he just wanted to _sleep_.

He cracked his eyes open reluctantly. They refused to focus for a while, but when they did, all he saw were grey tiles.

Oh no.

He was back _there_. That’s all there was there - grey, grey, grey. Everything was grey, and now it was grey again.

He sat bolt upright, ignoring the wave of dizziness it sent through his skull. He needed to get out now before they came back to him.

He stood and he felt tugging on his body and he staggered back. Ropes? Had they chained him again? No, wires ran down the front of his shirt and something was taped to the inside of his elbow, a needle disappearing underneath the skin. Were they poisoning him now? Pumping him full of potions to dumb him down? He ripped it out, ignoring the blood that gushed from the wound. He’s sort it out later, for now he needed to go.

He pushed against the door of his cell, and miraculously it swung open. He grinned - they were just as dumb as they looked.

The hallway was blindingly bright, he squinted keeping one hand on the wall for support. He cursed at his body, it was so slow! Faster, he needed to go faster!

“Sir, are you ok?”

Loki whipped round. A woman was standing next to him, arm outstretched as if to touch him. A mortal woman, she looked like. Had she been captured too?

No time to worry about her.

“Of course,” he said through gritted teeth, “Now, if you don’t mind-“

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go back to bed. You’re bleeding-“

She took his arm and he snatched it away, hissing at her. “I’ll sort it,” he growled, moving forward once again.

“I’m going to need help over here,” the mortal called over her shoulder, “He’s delusional.”

Suddenly, he was surrounded. Ah, he had been foolish. This mortal was working for them. He turned away from her to continue his escape but found a man standing in his way, smiling at him.

“Hey, buddy,” he said, “let’s get you back to bed.”

“No,” he growled, trying to push him out of the way.

“We need a sedative here!” the man called, not taking his eyes off Loki. He reached out to put a hand on his shoulder

“Get out of my way!” Loki yelled, shoving the man in the chest, but he was easily over-powered. Since when had he become so weak? The next thing he knew he was on the floor, pinned down by several people.

“Unhand me!” he shouted, fighting desperately to free his arms. A wave of terror crashed though his body. “Get off!”

He kicked and screamed for a few minutes, fighting the endless sea of hands on his body, forcing him to the floor, until his energy drained and he felt himself slipping under.

* * *

 

Beeping. Pain. More beeping.

He opened his eyes.

He was in a small room, the late afternoon sun pouring though the window, stinging his eyes. He was lying on a bed with crisp white sheets and metal bars, wires and tubes disappearing into different parts of his body. Everything hurt.

He was restrained.

His head was too clouded to care.

The door opened, sending a wisp of cool air towards him and he turned his head sluggishly. A man in a suit and long, white coat stood there, clutching a clipboard to his chest. When he saw Loki’s eyes open, he smiled.

“Hey buddy, you ok?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

The man walked into the room and sat in the uncomfortable looking chair next to the bed. Loki pressed his back further into the mattress.

“My name is Doctor Eriksen, I’m going to ask you a few questions now, ok? You can take your time answering them. Do you understand?”

He nodded despite himself. _Obey_. Eriksen smiled.

“Good! Now, can you tell me where you are?”

He knew that; “Earth.” Or at least he hoped. 

Eriksen chuckled, “Can you be a little more specific?”

Loki racked his brains for a minute. _Aha_.

“Norway. Oslo.”

“That’s very good, but can you tell me what place this is?” He began to scribble on his clipboard.

Loki looked around. It hurt to turn his head, so he strained his eyes as far as he could. He looked down at the tubes.

“Some kind of healing room?” He guessed.

“Yes, a hospital. Now, what’s your name?”

“Loki.”

“Alright Loki, do you have a surname?”

He thought again for a moment. “Laufeyson.” Yes, that was his real name after all.

More scribbling. “Thank you, Loki. Do you have anyone I can contact? Parents, guardians?”

Loki paused, remembering the story he had told Anita. He should stick with that.

“I don’t know,” the lie slid easily off his tongue.

Eriksen frowned. “How much can you remember?”

“I woke up in the forest,” he recounted, “I took the train to Oslo. I was attacked.”

“Do you remember anything before the forest?”

He shook his head as much as he could. “No.”

More scribbling. “How old are you, Loki?”

Ah. Loki froze. He knew how old he was, of course, in Midgardian terms he was just over one thousand years old. But he couldn’t just tell the doctor that - he was human now after all. Humans were weak creatures, often perishing well before they reached a century. How old was his human body?

_You can take your time answering_. He’d have to.

He closed his eyes. He had only just become of age before Thor’s banishment on Asgard, just reaching the cusp of adulthood. He was a young adult, that was a good start. But how old specifically? This doctor had asked about parents, and come to think of it so had Anita. So a young young adult.

“Twenty?” He said uncertainly.

Eriksen turned back to his clipboard, obviously disturbed at how long it had taken for Loki to come to that conclusion.

“Do you remember when your birthday is?”

Loki knew very little the Midgardian calendar, especially how it correlated to Asgards so he just shook his head. “I was born in the winter. That’s all I know.”

Eriksen nodded. “I think thats enough for now. Thank you, Loki. Get some rest, we’ll see what we can do for you.”

_What did he mean by that_ , he wondered. But before he knew it, he was sinking back into sleep once more.

* * *

  
He had amnesia, they told him, showing him photographs of his own brain. Loki frowned - he knew he didn’t, he could remember his past perfectly well, so nothing should have shown up on their scans. But it was there, so Loki agreed with them without comment. He'd worry about those later. 

That wasn’t all though, he had suffered quite a serious stab wound to the shoulder and his throat had been slit, causing him to loose a lot of blood. A police officer had found him minutes after the attack, saving his life. They still hadn’t caught his attackers.

He also had a cracked skull, jaw, a black eye which was still bloodshot and broken ribs. Again. Apparently his ribs hadn't healed properly from when they were first broken.

He looked at himself in the mirror and almost laughed out loud. He was a mess.

They kept him hooked up to machines supplying him with glorious pain medication. He slept most of the time, his head light and fuzzy. If it wasn’t for the nurses coming into his room every hour to fiddle with the machines and take blood, it would have been bliss.

Nobody came for him. Nobody wanted to hurt him or kill him here. He felt himself relaxing considerably. 

“We’re trying to find out if you have any relatives,” Doctor Eriksen told him one afternoon as he took a swab from the inside of his cheek and pressed his inked fingertips into a pad of paper. Loki’s mouth twitched. They were searching in vain, but he kept his mouth shut.

Of course, they found nothing. The had searched the missing persons registers, trying to find anyone who matched his description, but nothing. They couldn’t even find a Loki Laufeyson in their government data bases. _Good_.

The only thing they were sure of was that he was one hundred percent Scandinavian, as shown from DNA tests. Huh.

“Were you on the streets before you were assaulted?” A nurse asked him.

He nodded, slightly irritated. She was disturbing his nap.

Official people from the government came to ask him questions too, which made his stomach backflip. They would recognise as Earth’s would-be-conquer for sure.

They didn’t. Instead, they officially registered him as a Norwegian citizen, they even gave him a birthday - February 11th.

His mouth went dry, SHIELD were defiantly going to find him now. He needed to leave.

 

“Where will you go?” Asked Doctor Eriksen after Loki brought up the subject of his discharge.

Loki shrugged his good shoulder. “I survived before.”

 

On the day of his release, Eriksen handed him a wad of papers. “These are all the homeless shelters in the city. Go to one, they’ll feed you and take care of you. It’s only going to get colder in the coming months - don’t stay on the streets.”

Loki thanked him sincerely. Thought he knew he wouldn’t go to any of them.

They also loaded him up with antibiotics with strict instructions on how to take them - and lovely, lovely painkillers. They even gave him money for the bus.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the reception mirror as he left. The bruising had gone down slightly, but he was still far too pale and his scars stood out, angry and red against his skin. He grimaced, pulling his scarf over his face and stepping out into the bitter cold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember reading a Tumblr post ages ago which said that Loki was probably around 17 during the time of the Avengers and I loved that so much I wanted to roll with it
> 
> Also I've written 16 chapters so far wow that's the most writing I've done since I got depressed huh


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is too short.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't written anything in weeks pls save me from myself and my own despair ((((i'm still determined to not give up on this dw))))))

He was back to his previous hauntings within an hour. He strode over to the park where he had been attacked. Was his blood still there? Had it stained the pavement? He thought with a morbid curiosity. But no, they had obviously cleaned it all up.

He stood, hands in his pockets. What now? All his stuff was still gone, he had no money and he didnt want to go to the homeless shelters in fear of being recognised. He was worse off than when he had first arrived in the city.

He didn’t want to think about it. Now, what he needed was some familiarity, so he headed towards Hagen’s bookshop.

When he entered, Hagen was at the register, writing in his log book. He spared him only a glance and a mumbled, “Welcome.”

Then he did a double take and his eyes blew wide. “Loki?” He gasped, hurrying towards him. “What happened to you? It’s been weeks! I’ve been so worried!”

Loki smiled warily, “I’m sorry. I was in the hospital, but I’m fine now.”

“You don’t look it!” Hagen led him inside the store and sat him down on the sofa. “Tell me what happened, I’ll make you a coffee.”

Loki only intended to tell Hagen about the past few weeks, but ended up telling him his entire (doctored) story, from waking up in the forest to the moment he was attacked. He wasn’t sure how long he had been talking for, surprised at his own eagerness. Maybe he was that desperate.

What he was finished he took a sip of his coffee. It was lukewarm.

“Oh, Loki. You should have told me.”

Loki looked up at the old man. His eyes were full of sadness. Loki just shrugged. “I didn’t want to be of any trouble. Believe me, I’ve caused enough trouble for a lifetime.” He grimaced, and now he was surely paying for it.

Hagen was silent for a few minutes, then he spoke up. “Work here.”

Loki blinked. “What?”

“I’ll employ you here at the store. Business is doing well these days and I can use another pair of hands. Nothing too strenuous until you’re completely mended, but I can have you doing stock for me.”

Loki paused, staring at the old man in slight disbelief. “You’d hire… me?”

“Sure, why not?”

Loki wasn’t sure what to say. He hadn’t been expecting this. This was the best chance he was probably going to get. He found himself smiling. “I… thank you.”

“You’ll need a place to stay, of course. There’s plenty of room out back for a bed and theres even a little washroom. It’s better than the streets, just until you can get your own place, of course.”

Loki was dumbfounded. “I don’t know what to say.” He bit his lip, trying to contain his emotions.

“You don’t need to say anything,” Hagen smiled kindly. “Just let me do this for you.”

Once Hagen had closed the store for the day, he set up a mattress in the storeroom for Loki. The room was dark with only a single lightbulb and was packed full of boxes of books, but Hagen was right, it was better than the streets.

He took his medication with the instant noodles Hagen had provided him with, back wrapped up in soft, though slightly moth-eaten blankets, with his nose in a book. He didn’t have to stop at sundown anymore, as he actually had electricity.

He brushed his teeth and washed. There was only a sink in the bathroom, but it did the trick. He no longer smelt of the hospital.

He fell asleep that night, calm and content.

* * *

  
“Loki! Guess what!”

Loki glanced over from the shelves he was stacking. Hagen was standing at the register, beaming over a large cardboard box.

“Whats in the box?”

Hagen waved him over and Loki approached. Hagen ripped open the box with excitement, tipping the contents towards Loki. “Ta-da!”

Loki peered inside. It was packed full of books, but they were different somehow…

“These are new,” he observed, picking one up and turning it over in his hands. It was perfect, none of the pages flayed and its spine still intact.

Hagen beamed, “Right! I’m finally at a place with the business where I can stop relying on donations - I can finally buy my own stock and sell it at retail price!”

“That’s fantastic!” Loki exclaimed, knowing just how much this meant to the old man. He had told Loki once, it had always been his dream to own his own bookshop, ever since he was a boy. When his parents died, he quit his job and used the inheritance money to buy a store in the city to pursue his dream. However, the money had run out before he could fully stock the shelves, having to rely on donations from other family members.

“And that’s not all,” Hagen continued in a sing song voice. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to Loki. “Your first pay check! Take it down to the bank, open an account and it’ll be stored nice and safe for you.”

He held the envelope in his hands, slightly in awe. His first pay check, money he had earned himself in a totally clean and legal way. “Thank you.” He breathed.

“Thank you for your hard work! Even though you’re still supposed to be resting,” he raised an eyebrow jokingly at him.

* * *

  
Loki sat cross legged on his bed, scribbling down a shopping list. He needed food, new clothes (as he only had ones Hagen had leant him, and if Loki was being honest, they weren’t his style at all) and needed to open up a bank account so all his future pay checks could be deposited there. He pulled on his coat and went for the door, when a clap of thunder sounded, making him jump. Moments later, it started to snow so heavily the world was just a rush of white.

He turned away from the door. It could wait.

* * *

 

The collision with the ground knocked the wind out of him. He lay there for a moment, dazed, before he rolled over and up onto his feet. He stood, brushing himself off. He had no time to linger - he needed to find Loki.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is unbelievably bad but hey look an update 
> 
> also DADDY THUNDER IS HERE


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor arrives on Midgard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh... Infinity War was a thing. I haven't seen it, I searched for spoilers the day before it came out lmao. 
> 
> I'm probably not going to see it if i'm honest. It's almost 3 hours long and that long in a cinema is my worst nightmare. 
> 
> Also I would like to ignore the events of the first five minutes aha. 
> 
> Maybe don't spoil it in the comments, just in case there are people who still haven't seen it.

Thor trudged though the forest, snow almost reaching the tops of his boots, snowflakes occasionally finding their way inside. It was bitterly cold, Thor was sure he had never felt the cold this bad before, even on Joutenheim.

Still, he was human now.

The early morning sky offered no cloud cover, and the sun did nothing to quench his shivers, still he pressed on. The faster he walked, the warmer he would become.

And quicker he would find Loki.

He wondered after his brother. Was he ok? Was he even still alive? Had the mortals recognised him and taken revenge on their New York? Thor hoped to the Norns that wasn’t the case, or though a tiny part of him believed his brother would deserve it.

How was he faring on his own? With nothing but the clothes on his back? Not well, if the temperature was anything to go by.

Thor came to a stop, rubbing his bare arms. A cabin stood in the clearing before him, smoke billowing out of the chimly. Warmth. Perhaps the cabins occupants would be kind enough to assist Thor in his search, not to mention let him sit by their fire for a little while. Thor knew nothing about the land he was in, but in his experience, humans were generally quite welcoming and helpful beings.

Generally.

He strode up to the cabin and knocked on the door. Moments later it creaked open and a woman stood at the threshold. Thor couldn’t help but think, with a little surprise, that she looked like his mother.

“Can I help you?” The woman asked.

“Oh, yes! I am-“ Thor cut himself off - he was about to introduce himself as the Prince of Asgard, which he wasn’t anymore. He cleared his throat. “My name is Thor. I’m looking for… a friend of mine. I was wondering if you had any information?”

“Oh, of course, come in.” The woman opened the door wider. Thor grinned at her in thanks. It was probably best to not mention Loki was his brother - there couldn’t be too many brothers in this realm called Thor and Loki. He didn’t want to risk it.

“I’m Anita by the way. Would you like a drink? Tea, coffee, cocoa? You must be freezing!” She started to bustle around the small kitchenette.

“Cocoa would be lovely, thank you.” Thor beamed, sitting himself down at the kitchen table. He looked around, it was a very welcoming place. A fire roared in the hearth, thawing his toes. He sighed in contentment.

“So, who is this friend of yours? I don’t see many people out here, but I’ll try my best to help.” She placed a steaming mug in front of him and he took it in his hands. It warmed him almost instantly.

“Thank you. He is…” He paused, trying his best to describe Loki in whatever form he may be in now. “He’s tall, black hair, pale. Kind of greasy looking.”

Anita’s eyes widened, “Is his name Loki by any chance?”

Thor sat up so suddenly his drink almost sloshed onto the table. “You’ve met him?!” He gasped, discreteness forgotten.

She nodded, “Yes, about two and a half months ago.”

Thor spluttered. “Two and a half months?” He had followed his brother only after ten minutes, yet two and a half months had past? Thor gritted his teeth, Odin had obviously wanted Loki to spend some time alone.

Still, he pressed on, “How was he? Did you speak to him? Where is he now?”

Anita smiled sadly at him. “He wasn’t in great shape. I found him exhausted and injured, he had no idea how he had gotten here, not remembering anything before waking up in the forest.”

Thor’s heart sank at the news. Had Odin erased his memory too? Was it because Thor had decided to follow? Would Loki even recognise him if he found him?

He nodded. “Ok.” He said simply, taking a sip of his cocoa, trying his best to process the information.

“He stayed here for a couple of days before heading off to Oslo. He seemed pretty keen to leave,” Anita chuckled, “He said that Oslo seemed familiar to him, that maybe he could find out who he was there, if he had family.”

Oslo. Thor had never heard of that place, and couldn’t be sure if Loki had either. Thor frowned, what connection did he have to that place? Why did he go there?

Anita smiled at him. “I’m so glad he has someone looking for him. He seemed so lost when I met him. I don’t know where exactly he is in the city he would be, I haven’t heard from him since he left.”

Thor nodded, getting to his feet. “Thank you for your help. Tell me, how do I get to Oslo?”

“By train, thats the easiest way,” Anita said, then she stared at him for a moment. “Do you have any money? Or warm clothes?”

Thor chuckled, “Alas, I don’t.”

Anita tutted, “Just like Loki. You boys are crazy, walking around here with nothing on you. Stay here.” She disappeared into one of the back rooms.

Thor stood in the kitchenette, sipping on the last of his cocoa. He was glad Loki had found this kind lady. He looked around, half hoping to see a trace of his brother here, but there was nothing. Of course there wasn’t.

Two and a half months… worry settled in Thor’s stomach. Would Loki really be ok after all that time? The trickster was clever, yes, but in conditions like his that might be pretty useless.

Anita returned holding a backpack and a large coat. “Take these,” she said, “The coat might be a little snug but it’ll keep you warm. There’s money in the backpack, I’ll drive you to the train station.”

Thor beamed, “Thank you, my lady. You are far too kind. I will see that you are re-payed for your kindness… somehow.”

She laughed, a light airy sound. Again, it reminded Thor of his mother. “Please, don’t worry about it. Find Loki.”

He smiled reassuringly. “I assure you, I will.”

* * *

  
Loki stretched, the evening breeze cool on his face. He had bags full of food, clothes and something called a “bank card” being delivered to the shop. He was bundled up in a new coat, wrapped in a scarf. For the first time since his arrival, he didn’t feel like an icicle.

He opened the door - Hagen had even given him his very own key. The man lived in an apartment just above the shop, so he wouldn’t be around to let Loki in when the shop was closed.

Although he was there when Loki entered, the only light a lamp on the register desk. He was sat down, going through the days sales. He looked up when Loki entered, eyed his new coat and smiled.

“Looks good!”

“Thank you,” Loki said. He had picked a coat that had resembled something he may have worn back when he was a prince. It was black, cotton but heavy. It wasn’t as warm as the coat Anita had given him but it looked a lot nicer. It had eaten up most of his pay check, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I’m turning in for the night, see you in the morning,” he waved a hand in Hagen’s direction.

“G’night, kid.”

* * *

  
Loki took his medicine before preparing for bed. He took a paracetamol along with his prescribed painkillers. A headache had been playing about his temples all day.

He lay back on his pillows, eating a salad with his nose in How To Kill A Mockingbird. It was late, he knew, but he couldn’t bring himself to sleep just yet. Although he was the most comfortable he had been in months, with food, shelter and an income, his nightmares had become more frequent and increased in intensity every night, it seemed. He rubbed his eyes, fighting off the tiredness. It was fine if he didn’t sleep, but just dozed, napping on his breaks. This way, he could avoid getting a proper nights sleep, therefore avoiding the nightmares. He hated waking up in the mornings drenched in sweat, shaking with an unpleasant memory fresh in his mind.

So he woke up the next morning in a foul mood. He had napped, making sure he woke up every hour. By six am, he decided to get up and set up shop, even though they didn’t even open for two hours yet.

He dressed in some of his new clothes - black skinny jeans and a dark green hoodie, and tied his hair up in a bun at the back of his head. He gazed into the mirror - he was too pale. HIs bruises had faded for the most part, but they still stood out against his snowy skin. He slapped his cheeks in an attempt to bring more colour to them.

Hagen was already up when he entered the shop, bent over a box, stacking shelves.

“I’ve got some bad news,” he began.

Loki’s heart sunk, “Oh.” He said. He wasn’t sure if he could handle anymore bad news, not when everything had been going so great -

Hagen held up an empty glass jar, “We’re out of coffee.” He whispered dramatically.

Loki almost laughed, _that_ he could deal with. “I’ll go and get some more. I really need one,” He offered.

Hagen dug around in his pocket, placing a number of coins into Loki’s palm. “The shop on the corner is open twenty-four hours, they’ll have some.”

So he set out, wrapping up warm. He had almost forgotten just how cold the mornings were.

Hagen was right - they did have coffee. And a wide range of it. Loki frowned at the shelves, eyeing each different brand. He couldn’t tell the difference, Hel, he didn’t even know if there _was_ a difference, so he just brought one which had gold packaging. He liked gold.

He shivered against the morning breeze as he made his way back to the shop. It was eerily quiet - not many people lived in this part of the city as it was mostly shops. It would surely be bustling and lively within a couple of hours. Still, it unnerved him somehow.

A figure caught his eye and he turned. A man, well built and dressed in a large coat was walking down the street opposite him, backpack slung over his shoulder. He had long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail that resembled Thor’s.

Loki snorted, he hadn’t spared his brother a passing thought in at least a month now. Was this all it took for him to feel the slightest bit nostalgic?

The man turned his head, and Loki froze.

* * *

 

A man dressed in black with black hair stood across the street from him. Could it be?

“Loki?” He called out tentatively. The figure didn’t move, just stood there frozen, so Thor began crossing the street. “Loki is that you?” He called again. Still no answer.

It was Loki, no doubt about it, Thor rushed forward, heart in his mouth, arms outstretched. “Loki!”

He pulled his brother to him, burying his face into the top of his head. It was Loki, he had found him. His little brother was with him once more, wrapped in his arms. Loki didn’t move, stood frozen with his face in Thor’s shoulder. He pulled back.

“Loki, brother, it’s me, it’s Thor! Do you remember me brother?”

Loki opened his mouth but no sound came out. His eyes were as wide as saucers. He must recognise him, then.

“What has happened to you?” Thor suddenly noticed the faded yellow bruises covering his brothers face, he cupped his face in his hands. He ran a thumb over a new scar on Loki’s cheek. “Brother?”

Loki’s face twisted, and suddenly his fist collided with Thor’s nose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Infinity War kinda made me not want to continue this fic if I'm honest. I'm going to though, I've put a lot o effort into it and I don't want that to go to waste.
> 
> also Loki would look good in a man bun fight me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Loki are reunited. Can Loki trust his brother 
> 
> (i'm so bad at summaries i should just not)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you SO much for all the kind comments on the last chapter - it really does mean a lot that people are enjoying this fic. I've decided to defiantly continue with this fic - we all need a AU where everything is OK(ish) to get though well... what ever Infinity War was ahaha... 
> 
> also this chapter is long af*
> 
> *compared to others ahahah

“You could at least apologise.”

Thor and Loki sat across from each other in the coffee shop, a napkin over Thor’s nose. It had only just opened, its occupants bleary eyed, suddenly shocked awake by the blood pouring from Thor’s face.

“I brought you breakfast, take it or leave it.” Loki scowled into his mug. They was silent for a moment as Thor eyed his brother over the bloody cloth.

“So you _do_ posses your memories.”

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?” Loki took a sip of his coffee, looking pointedly out of the window, at the floor, anywhere that wasn’t Thor.

“That’s not what you told that lady.”

Loki choked, wiping coffee-dribble from his chin. “Anita?”

“Yes, in the cabin in the woods.”

Loki raised an eyebrow, his surprise open on his face. “How did you find her?”

“By chance as I made my way through the forest. She was very kind, she gave me money and spare clothes.”

Loki just nodded. How much money did this woman have? And surely, her son was going to be pissed when he went to visit her and found she had given all his clothes to two strange men that knocked on her door.

“Why did you lie? About not remembering anything?”

“Because it’s easier,” Loki answered as if it was the most simple thing in the world. “I couldn’t just tell her who I was and where I’m from. She’d think me crazy - or if she did believe me turn me over to your pals at SHIELD. I’m protecting my own neck.”

“It seems that hasn’t worked out for you so well.” Thor gestured at the jagged scar on Loki’s throat. Loki scowled, wrapping his scarf back around him as casually as possible. “What happened to you?”

“Midgard happened to me.” He answered simply. They paused conversation as the waitress brought over Thor’s pancakes. He smiled at her, and she smiled back, a bit awkwardly, gaze on the blood on his face.

Thor lowed the napkin, the bleeding stopped now, and dug into his pancakes, scoffing them with little grace. Loki glared over his coffee.

“Why are you here? Did Odin send you to spy on me?”

Thor’s chewing slowed and he set down his fork, face suddenly serious. “No.” He said, wiping his mouth with the bloody napkin. Loki grimaced. “I came here by my own will.”

Loki raised and eyebrow in mild surprise. “Why?”

Thor rested his hands on the table. “You’re sick, Loki. I just… couldn’t bare the thought of you here alone.”

Loki scoffed. “You take me as a weakling? I’ve never been better,” he stood, swinging on his coat. “You can leave, I have no need for you.”

Thor grimaced, watching his brother from his seat. “I can’t.”

“And why not?”

“Because I am human.”

Loki paused, trying and failing to hide his surprise. He gaped at his brother, mouth opening and closing, no words coming out.

“Why? You saved the planet from your pesky little brother. What does Odin have against you?”

“I disobeyed our father,” Thor said, his voice low. “He ordered me not to go after you. I did so anyway.”

The raven just stared at him, his thoughts ticking over in his head. “That was foolish.” He finally said, buttoning up his coat. “I have no need for you.”

He turned and walked out of the cafe door and into the street, unease in his chest.

“Loki, wait!”

He turned, Thor was hurrying after him, the last of his pancakes stuffed in his mouth. He mumbled something incoherent.

“What?” Loki snapped bitterly. He didn't have time for this - he didn't have the  _energy_ for this.

Thor swallowed, catching his breath slightly. “Are you just going to abandon me?”

“Yep. Now you’ll know how it feels. You can call your little Avengers pals, I’m sure they’ll set you up.” He turned away, but Thor grabbed onto his arm, a sudden fury in his eyes which shocked him slightly.

“I sacrificed everything for you, to try and protect you, to try and fix you. Are you really going to turn me away?” Thor snarled, Loki blinked, but met his brothers gaze nevertheless. “Yes.” He answered cooly. 

He tried to shake his arm free but Thor hung on. “Loki,” He said in a warning tone.

“Let go of me.” Loki hissed.

“No.”

They stood there in the middle of the pavement, predesrians milling around them, sparing them wary glances.

“Not again.” Thor whispered.

Loki glared. “You’re. Causing. A. _Scene_.” He said through gritted teeth.

“I don’t care.”

Loki bit his lip, huffing out a sigh. He was too tired for this. “Fine.” He said. Thor dropped his arm and Loki turned his back. “I have work, so you’re going to have to occupy yourself for six hours.”

Thor’s tone perked up, “You have a job?”

“Of course I have a job. You need one to survive in this world.”

“What job is it?”

“I work in a bookshop.”

“That’s the perfect job for you, brother!” Thor beamed. Loki ignored him and kept walking.

When they reached the bookshop, Thor gazed up at the outside, taking it all in.

“I’m leaving you out here.” Loki warned, causing Thor to snap to attention.

Hagen greeted him when he entered, “Loki! You were gone a while, I was getting worried.”

“Sorry, I got… distracted.” Loki fished in his pocket for the little gold jar. “I got the coffee.” He placed it down on the counter.

“Thank you!" Hagen paused, frowning.  "… Ah, did you realise this was decaf?”

“De.. what?”

“Decaf. There’s no caffeine in this.”

Loki cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry, I’ll return it.”

Hagen’s eyes drifted over to Thor, and he gaped.

“Are you ok?” He asked upon seeing the crusted blood on Thor’s face.

“He’s fine,” Loki snapped, pocketing the coffee.

“Do you know him?”

“I…” Loki paused and looked up at Thor. Thor just stared back, corner of his mouth turned up in a small smile.

“… Yes. I think I know him.”

Hagen beamed, “That’s great! You can have the day off if you would like to spend some time catching up.”

_Oh no_. No, that was not what he needed right now. He had just started to pull himself together before Thor turned up. If he spent anymore time with Thor, or anymore time without a distraction, he’d crumble. He had been so strong the last few months. Not now, not now…

“That won’t be necessary-“

“That’s very kind of you, thank you.”

Loki turned to glare at Thor for opening his big mouth. Hagen looked between the two, confused.

“Ok,” Loki sighed, defeated. “Thank you, Hagen.”

* * *

  
They retreated to the store room, Thor wanting to clean the blood off his face before heading out again, understandably. Loki didn’t say anything as he let Thor through the door.

Thor looked around, “Is this where you live?”

“It’s temporary.” Loki said, pulling the door closed behind him.

“It’s small.”

“No shit.”

Thor turned to look at him, an expression of surprise at his profanity, but Loki turned away once again.

“The washroom’s through there,” Loki gestured to the door in the back. He made his away around the many boxes, stacked ceiling high and away from Thor before he could say anything more.

* * *

Thor stood braced against the sink as he watched the scarlet-stained water swirl down the drain. The washroom was tiny - he couldn’t even stretch his arms out at the side and let them reach their full length. All that fit inside the box room was a sink and a toilet. Loki’s room wasn’t much better either - it was a store room. It burst at every corner with boxes of books, almost obscuring the entire room. A mattress lay in the back, covered in thin blankets, Loki’s personal belongings stuffed into bags at the end of the makeshift bed; other than that there was no sign anyone lived there at all.

It was like a cell.

Once his face was scrubbed clean, he headed back to the main room. Loki was sat on the mattress, head in his hands. Upon hearing Thor enter, his head shot up and he got to his feet, features stony and neutral. 

They stood in silence for a moment, just staring at each other. Thor was the one to break it.

“What happened to you?

Loki didn’t reply. Thor strode over until he was standing in front of his brother, cupping the back of his neck. A familiar gesture. The ravens eyes fluttered closed. Thor could tell he was fighting an internal battle. They had been battling just days before (or months, in Loki’s case) and now he had the chance to make up with his brother, or completely cast him away. However, above all, he seemed to be submitting to Thor, exhaustion etched into every detail of his pale skin.

It was a look Thor had never seen on his brother before.

Loki eventually chuckled, breath ghosting across Thor’s skin.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Especially with you.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Thor’s chest tightened. He wanted to know, _needed_ to know, because this was not his brother. This was neither the man Thor grew grew up with, nor the one he fought against. Gone was the mischievous spark in his eyes, gone was the madness from New York. There was nothing now but dull green. It scared him.

Thor didn’t press him further. “You don’t have to. Not yet anyway.”

He raised a hand to tuck a stray hair behind his brothers ear, but Loki shook him off, turning his back on him.

Thor just watched him, feeling the minutes tic by. Until his brother started to sway.

“Loki?” Thor rushed forward as he crumpled, catching him in his arms. Loki blinked up at the ceiling, dazed.

“Loki? Are you ok?” Thor asked urgently, gently lowering Loki onto the mattress.

Loki moaned in protest. “No… No sleep?”

Thor ran a hand across Loki’s forehead as he scrunched up his face. “Brother, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t wanna… sleep…”

It clicked. “You haven’t been sleeping? Loki, you must sleep.”

Loki swatted his hand away, “No,” he keened again.

Thor put his hand back against Loki’s skin, stroking his hair gently, shushing him, lulling him into silence. It was an old trick their mother used when they were children, and Loki was being especially difficult. 

Loki moaned out protests, but eventually his features relaxed as he fell into sleep.

Worked every time.

Thor watched his brothers face as he slept - he looked peaceful - a look he couldn’t imagine ever seeing again during New York.

Thor sighed, settling back on the corner of the mattress and just watched; he didn’t know how long for. Loki stirred, eyebrows furrowing, lips pressing into a tight frown. He was dreaming, and from the looks of things it wasn’t very pleasant.

“Loki?” Thor whispered.

Loki just grumbled, his head lolling to one side. Thor reached out, placing a thumb on Loki’s forehead, smoothing to the lines he found there. At first Loki resisted, whipping his head to the other side, momentarily throwing off Thor’s hand. He persisted and eventually Loki’s expression loosened, and soon enough he was sleeping soundly once more.

* * *

Thor decided not to bring up the nightmare. He was enjoying the peaceful silence between them as they ate their noodles in cups. Loki looked tense, but Thor decided not to comment on that either.

“So, brother.” Loki looked up at him, eyes still heavy, void of fight. “How long have you lived here?”

Loki sighed, placing the noodles down on the floor in front of him. They were only half finished.

“About a month.”

Thor frowned, “But you’ve been on Midgard for more than a month. Where did you live before here?”

“How very observant of you,” Loki drawled, resting his head on the wall behind him.

“So?” When Loki didn’t reply, Thor’s heart grew cold.

“Brother, please tell me you had somewhere to lay your head?”

Loki chuckled. It was a sound without feeling. “I did, sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“A back alley.”

Thor’s heart clenched. “Oh, Loki.”

Loki smirked, “I deserve it, don’t I?”

Thor opened his mouth to retort, but closed it again. He couldn’t exactly deny it.

Loki stood, pacing over to the other side of the room, signalling the end of the conversation.

“So when are we going to get our own home?”

Loki looked back and raised an eyebrow. “We?”

“Of course.” Thor said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Loki sighed, defeated. “I don’t know. I don’t have much money left.”

“Then I will help you make some,” Thor stood, walking over to Loki.

Loki scoffed, “You’ve never worked a day in your life.”

“Neither had you.”

“Yeah, well. You’re dumb.”

Thor chose to ignore that last comment. “How hard can it be? Surely easier than fighting a war, and I’ve fought plenty."

“What would you do?” Loki asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll start the search tomorrow.” It was late and Thor was beginning to feel drowsy. “I will sleep now if you don’t mind.” Loki nodded, and Thor turned towards the bed where he faced another problem - there was only one. It could probably fit two average sized people comfortably, if not snugly. But Thor was by no means “average sized”. He was a warrior, and a strong, bulky one at that.

“You take the bed,” Loki said as if reading his thoughts. “I’m not tired.”

Thor knew that was a lie. “Brother, you must sleep.”

Loki snarled slightly. “If I slept with you, you’d probably squash me.”

“I promise I won’t.” Thor shrugged off his shirt and climbed into bed, hand outstretched. Loki just stared at him, arms crossed over his chest.

“Do I have a choice in this?”

“No.”

Loki sighed, hanging his head. He bundled some clothes into his arms and disappeared into the washroom. He emerged minutes later wearing sleep clothes. Thor grinned as he slid into bed next to him, lying on his side facing away from Thor.

“Goodnight, brother.” Thor said, reaching over to turn off the light.

Loki didn’t say anything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "cabin in the woods" ahah geddit? 
> 
> also in the coming chapters it switches between Loki and Thor's POV's I'm sorry i just wanted to get both their thoughts on stuff idk


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written anything in weeks. I desperately need to get back on it so I'm going to take a little hiatus (even though the breaks between chapters are like hiatuses lmao) 
> 
> I want to stay 5 chapters ahead of whats posted here at all times. I've just started writing chapter 18 so I've been sticking to that quite well, but I probably won't post again until I've written at least 20-22 chapters so I have a buffer. 
> 
> Thank you for all of the support you've given to this fic so far! It really means a lot.
> 
> This chapters kind of short and bitty, but we're coming up to some nice Domestic Thorki.

“Brother, I got a job!”

Loki looked up from the shelf he was stacking, eyes wide with disbelief.

“You were gone an _hour_.”

Thor beamed, waving a piece of paper in front of Loki’s face. He took it, glancing at it warily. It was a contract for a construction company.

“You’re going to be a builder?”

“Yep!” Thor smiled happily.

Loki eyed Thor’s muscles, he surely had the build for the job. Odin had been kind enough to leave Thor with those. In fact, Thor seemed to be pretty much the same as his old self, minus his powers. Loki didn't suppose he had changed much either, but he _felt_ like a whole different, weaker person. 

“And they gave it to you? Just like that?”

“They were short staffed - a metal pole fell on one of their best workers,” Thor sounded a little too thrilled about that fact, “And look,” he pointed to a five digit number at the bottom of the sheet.

Loki’s eyes widened. “That’s… a lot.” It was over double what Loki made. _Inferior to his brother as a human too…_

Thor took the sheet back and crumpled it into his pocket. Loki winced at his carelessness. “I start tomorrow - how about we spend the afternoon looking for a place to live?”

Loki glanced at him jadedly. “I have to work. Besides, it’s too early; you don’t even have the money yet.”

* * *

  
After Loki clocked off, he retreated into the storeroom, mug of coffee in hand; only to find it littered with newspapers and magazines.

“What are you doing?” He asked, coming to a sudden halt to avoid tripping over the chaos. 

Thor was sat on the bed, pastry in one hand and magazine in the other.

“Browsing.” Thor said, mouth full. “Your friend told me they list vacant properties in newspapers.”

“You’re getting really into this.” Loki said, tiptoeing around the mess.

“I want us to live comfortably, brother. Besides, we’re here for the rest of our lives.”

Loki shuddered at the thought but didn’t say anything, disappearing into the bathroom.

* * *

  
Thor was enjoying his new job, maybe a little too much.

His company were working on a new office block not too far from the store, and was en route to Loki’s favourite coffee shop. Loki spotted him a handful of times, hauling bricks and metal poles from one side of the site to the other, his comrades pausing to gape at his sheer strength.

He had made friends, too. They would go out drinking on Fridays after work and at weekends, staying out until late into the night. 

  
Thor would come back too happy for Loki’s liking, often scooping the raven up into his arms as soon as he saw him, holding him in a death gripped “hug”. Loki stopped fighting it after a while, only managing to break free once the oaf had passed out, practically lifting (or pushing, wiggling, whatever he could manage) Thor’s massive arms off him.

Thor’s payday came, and Loki found himself being pulled out of bed in the early hours of the morning.

“Wake up brother, today’s the day we get our own house!”

Loki groaned.

An hour later they were sat in a small office, Loki nursing a cup of coffee.

“How can I help you boys today?” A kind faced woman sat down at the computer opposite them, the badge on her chest read “Helga”.

“We would like to buy a house!” Thor announced.

“Rent. An apartment.” Loki corrected.

She tapped away at the keyboard, Thor watching with mild awe. “In the city?”

“Yes please.”

More taping, “How many bedrooms do you require?”

“One.” Thor answered before Loki could even open his mouth. Helga continued tapping.

“Thor!” Loki hissed, “What are you playing at?”

Thor just gave him a look that said ‘we’ll talk about this later’. Loki seethed, but did not want to make a scene in front of Helga, or anyone else for that matter, so he kept quiet, though his thoughts were ticking over in his head. Yes, they certainly will talk about this later.

“And your budget?”

“No more than eight thousand a month, if possible.” Even with Thor’s mighty pay check, they still needed to buy food, clothes and other necessities. Both men were coming from nothing but what Anita had provided them.

Helga turned the monitor towards them. “We have a number of places that suit your needs. All are unfurnished so you’ll have to sort that out by yourselves. For the price you want, you’re not looking at a very big place.”

“That’s fine,” Thor said, “We just need a place to live.” Loki nodded, mouth pressed in a thin line. Thor was going to annoy the life out of him, he could tell.

Still, it could only be temporary. Once Loki had saved up enough he could possibly move out and live alone. He liked that idea more.

She scrolled through their options, pausing to pull up the ones that caught their attention. She was right - they were all so small; smaller than Loki’s bedchambers back on Asgard. It was going to be a challenge, both he and Thor were used to space and luxury. Now they were going to be living too close together in a one bedroomed apartment. The only time they would be away from each other would be when they went to work.

Thor, sensing Loki’s discomfort, reached over to squeeze his thigh gently. He flinched and shot him a side eyed glare.

“It’s better than the streets, no?”

Loki sighed. He had a point, it _was_ better than the streets. So, so much better than the streets.

“We’ll take this one.” Loki said, pointing to the apartment currently on the screen. It was airy and bright, the kitchen and living space in one with large windows that overlooked the city. The bathroom was small but had a tub at least - something Loki so missed - and the bedroom looked as though it would barely fit a double bed. But it would most likely fit too singles.

“Would you like to view it first?” Helga asked.

“We should,” Thor nodded.

“No, wait. Will that cost extra?”

She smiled at him sadly, “I’m afraid so.”

“Then no, thank you. We’ll just work with what we have.” He said, reaching up to pull Thor back down, who was already half out of his seat.

They set up a direct debit on Loki’s card, signed the forms (all in Loki’s name, he didn’t trust Thor.) and they were set.

“You can move in next Thursday - I’ll be there to meet you and give you the keys. Do you need any help arranging a moving van?”

“No, thank you. We can handle it.”

She shook their hands, a smile on her face. “See you next week, then!”

* * *

 

Hagen beamed when Loki told him the news, taking both the brothers in his arms. Loki grimaced, more so when Thor threw a great big arm around him and squeezed them all together.

“I’m so happy for you boys!” He said, letting them go to pour Loki a coffee and a cocoa for Thor. At some point within the last few weeks powdered hot chocolate had found its way into Loki and Hagen’s coffee station. Thor had expressed his dislike for coffee on a few occasions - “How can you drink it? It’s so… bitter.” - preferring sweeter drinks, and would take a travel mug of tea to work with him, sugar lining the bottom as a thick paste. It made Loki want to gag.

“Thank you,” Loki smiled around his coffee. “We owe you a lot.”

“Nonsense! It’s been a pleasure,”

“We must repay you somehow my friend, we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without your help,” Thor said, then his face lit up. “Let me buy you a beer!”

Hagen laughed heartily. “I appreciated it! But I don’t drink, I’m afraid. Your offer is thanks enough.”

Loki shot a pointed look at Thor - some people were sensible at least.

“Will you be buying furniture before you move? I’m assuming it’s unfurnished,” Hagen continued.

“We thought- I thought - It’s best to wait until we can see the place before we buy anything so we know how much room we have.”

Hagen nodded, “Good idea. Hey, you can take the mattress from the storeroom. I'll have no need for it.”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “Thank you,” he said. Though he knew as soon as he and Thor had their own proper beds, that mattress was going in the trash. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is welcomed as always (and very much desired aha)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im yelling bc i said i was going on hiatus until i'd written 20 chapters but i'm on chapter 19 and have writers block so here you go 
> 
> on the up side i have written quite a bit within the last few days (chapter 18 is lo o o ng compared to others) so trying to keep my motivation strong!

Hagen drove them to their new apartment in his van, mattress and Thor and Loki’s minimal possessions tucked neatly in the back. The building was only twenty minutes away by train, but Loki said there was no way they were getting an entire double mattress on public transport at eight a.m on a weekday.

The area was much nicer than where they had been before. The shop was surrounded by alleyways, graffitied walls and the people living there didn’t seem to be very friendly. Loki especially seemed wary. Here, they drove past streets of modern office blocks and cafes, parents walking their children to school, people out with their dogs.

The apartment building was large, seated on top a row of shops. The building looked old fashioned, but was painted fresh in a cream colour, which lit up the exterior. The shops below contained a small convenience store, a cafe and pizza restaurant. It looked like they would have everything they’d need here. Thor shot a glance at his brother, who rested his chin in his hand, gazing out the window. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes were drinking in the scenery of their new home.

Hagen pulled up on the curb and they all got out. He opened the back so they could get their things.

“Thank you Hagen. For everything.” Thor heard Loki say as he manoeuvred the mattress out the back of the van. “I’ll be at work tomorrow, I promise.”

“And we must repay you somehow,” Thor added, balancing the mattress across his shoulders, “We will host a feast!”

Hagen laughed, eyebrows raised at the sight of Thor’s strength. “Food? I accept your offer!” He clapped him on the back before turning to help Loki hoist their bags onto his back. “I would offer to help carry your things, but my back’s been giving me hell recently.”

“It’s fine, thank you,” said Loki, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Hagen nodded, climbing back in his van and starting the engine. Thor waved until he turned the corner, out of sight.

“Come on,” Loki hoisted the bags further up his back. He grimaced slightly, but the expression was gone just as soon as Thor had noticed it. The bags were obviously heavy, and his body still weak. “We’re on the third floor, 302.” He headed off towards the building.

“Brother, I can carry a bag if you wish. They must be heavy.”

“It’s fine,” Loki said curtly. “I can handle it.”

Thor was about to point out that he looked as if he may buckle under the weight, and Thor could easily carry everything, but he stopped himself. Loki looked to be in a mood already, he didn’t fancy pushing him any further.

Helga was waiting for them when the elevator doors opened, leaning against the wall with her phone in hand. Once she saw them she pocketed it, smiling in greeting. The smile faltered slightly once she laid eyes on Thor effortlessly carrying the mattress, her features slack with disbelief.

“Is that all your stuff?” she asked, eyeing the bags on Loki's shoulders.

“Yep.” Loki said curtly.

She nodded once, fishing around in her handbag and pulling out a silver key. “Anyway, here’s your new home!” She inserted the key into the lock of a black door bearing the numbers “302” and turned it. The door opened silently and they stepped over the threshold, Helga pausing to flick a light switch by the door. It looked exactly like it did in the photos, so no surprise there. The hallway opened up into the kitchen/living room, a large window let sunlight spill effortlessly into the room. On the left there were two doors - once which lead to the bedroom and bathroom respectively, Thor guessed.

“It’s nice!” He said, taking a step forward, but felt the mattress shudder in his arms. He turned to see Loki glowering up at him, the mattress having just collided with the back of his head. Helga grinned sheepishly.

“The hallway is pretty narrow. Here,” she moved out in front of him and opened one of the doors to their left. It was the bedroom. It was small as well, the far wall taken up by one large window overlooking the lake outside. Thor settled the mattress beneath it, thinking Loki might appreciate the view.

His brother was in the kitchen, shrugging off his coat and massaging his shoulders, wincing. Helga stood in front of him, going through the paperwork.

“There are laundry facilities on the first floor and here’s all the fire safety stuff… Also instructions on how to use the cooker.” She rummaged in her handbag for a while before pulling out another key and setting it down on top of the paperwork. “And a spare key.”

“Thank you,” Loki said, his voice strained. “We’ll be ok from here.”

Helga nodded, making her way towards the door. “My phone number is on the forms if you have any questions or problems, good luck!” She and Loki shook hands in parting.

“Thank you, my lady.” Thor said, taking her outstretched hand and kissing it. She flushed bright red. “Uh.. Yes. Thank you.” She stuttered, stumbling out of the door. Loki shut it behind her and turned to glare at Thor.

“Don’t do that.” He growled. “That’s sexual harassment here.”

“It was not sexual harassment!” Thor exclaimed, eyes wide and innocent. “I was thanking the lovely lady for her service!”

“Yeah, well. Don’t do it.” Loki ran a hand though his hair and made for the kitchen, rummaging in one of the bags, pulling out the box of white discs and a bottle of water, swallowing two at once.

“What are those?” Thor asked.

“None of your concern.” Loki said, stuffing the box back into the bag. He stood, looking around the kitchen surfaces, then he groaned, burying his face in his hands. “We don’t have a coffee machine. Or a kettle.”

“We can get them now, brother. We have the day!”

Loki eyed him warily. “I don’t want to go furniture shopping right away.”

“Not furniture, we could just go and buy the little things - like your coffee machine, or kettle. Whatever you want! I’d like to get some food, too.”

“Oh yeah. We need to eat.” Loki mumbled, as if the issue was the furthest from his mind, strolling past him. “I guess so.”

Thor frowned, eyeing his brothers slouched posture. “You’re tired.”

“No I’m not.”

“Are you in pain?”

“No.”

“Would you like to go to bed? I can go shopping for us.”

Loki laughed quietly, pulling on his coat. “No. You’d get completely the wrong thing. Let’s go.”

* * *

 

They took the bus into the city centre. It was bustling, people brushing shoulders with the brothers every so often. The department store provided some respite, being almost empty compared to the streets outside. They strolled though aisles of kitchen appliances, Loki making a beeline towards the coffee makers. He was muttering to himself, Thor straining to catch his words.

“This one has a hot water function, that could be useful…”

“You know a lot about this stuff.” Thor mused.

“Unlike you, I studied. Also, I’ve been here longer than you.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice. Thor’s shoulders slumped. “Loki, I followed you only moments later. I do not know why I arrived months after you.”

Loki waved his hand dismissively. “Ask your father.”

Thor sighed, not commenting further, watching as Loki went back to the coffee makers. He finally selected one with a middle-range price tag and paid for it. Thor took the bag from him wordlessly and Loki let him, walking a few paces in front of him towards the supermarket.

Thor’s mouth watered at the selection of foods for sale. There were rows upon rows of both fresh and packaged goods, vegetables, meats, sweets, cheeses, pastries - you name it, it was there.

“This market is amazing!” Thor exclaimed, trailing behind Loki who was pushing the shopping trolley, selecting items and placing them inside. “Brother, we should get steak!”

“Steak is expensive.” Loki said, instead filling the cart with small cuts of chicken.

“We have a home, let us celebrate!”

“I thought we were going to celebrate by buying furniture. We can’t do both.”

Thor grumbled reluctantly, but perked up when they reached the confectionery isle. He gasped aloud when his eyes rested on the boxes of pop tarts, and began piling them into the trolley. Loki raised his eyebrows. “You’ll need a toaster for those.”

“Then we shall buy a toaster.” Thor announced. And they did.

Thor carried most of the bags home, a smile on his face and a warm feeling in his chest. Loki seemed to have relaxed too, his shoulders less tense as he slumped bonelessly against the bus window.

The first thing Loki did when they arrived home was set up the coffee machine, grumbling over the instructions. Thor carefully tucked their shopping in the fridge before taking their bags into the bedroom and unpacking the blankets and pillows. There were only two pillows, they would have to get more eventually. Thor had memories dating back centuries of Loki hoarding pillows in his bed, insisting that he slept better with more, which Thor agreed with. The pillows on Asgard were soft and plump, where as these were flat and didn’t do much to support the head.

They would also need proper blankets too. These ones were old and threadbare and didn’t provide much warmth.

Loki entered the room then, mug of coffee in hand and looking considerably less moody than earlier. Thor stepped back next to him, admiring his handiwork. “It looks shit.” Loki said. “Before we buy anything else - we’re buying new beds.” He turned to leave, but Thor grabbed his arm, holding him back. “Beds?”

Loki sighed, exasperated. “Thor, we are not sharing a bed.”

“Why? Wouldn’t it be easier? The room is very small.”

Loki snorted. “As you like to believe, we’re brothers.”

Thor shook his head. “Not like that. I…” Why did he want to share a bed with Loki so bad? They did it all the time when they were children, even into their teenage years. Mother would always struggle to encourage the princes to sleep in their own chambers, to no avail. It was only as Loki got older, he became more withdrawn, wanting his own space. Thor felt the same way, but often missed the nights lying by his brothers side. He sometimes wondered if Loki felt the same. Most likely not, given recent events.

“I just… I’ve missed you, Loki.”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “OK?”

“I want to spend time with you.”

“We’re living together.” Loki shook off Thor’s hand, turning his back on him. “Whatever. I’m not going to argue with you.” He walked away, back into the kitchen.

Thor stood there, dumbfounded. All Loki ever did was argue with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i mentioned this fic was gonna be around 26 chapters long? well its looking like it's going to be more end my life. close to 30 most likely. 
> 
> hurt/comfort is my kryptonite


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short I'm sorry

“Brother, we really should talk.”

“No. We really shouldn’t.” Loki didn’t even bother looking up from his book, though Thor’s shadow was cast over the pages, blocking the light.

“I want to know why you did what you did.”

Loki looked up then. Thor was stood in the doorway, having just bathed and changed into his night clothes, still rubbing his hair with a towel. Loki felt his stomach twist slightly at the question. He wasn't exactly in the kind of mood to grace Thor with a proper answer.

Instead, he shrugged. “I wanted to have what was rightfully mine. A throne.”

Thor’s eyes darkened, “Midgard was never rightfully yours, Loki.”

“Nether was Asgard apparently.” He bit back, coldly.

Thor sighed, coming to sit on the edge of the mattress. “I just can’t understand. It was so unlike you. You’ve always been, I don’t know… arrogant, but I would have never dreamed…”

Loki snorted, trying to decide wether to be insulted. “Look who’s talking.” He turned back to his book, but could still feel the weight of Thor’s eyes on him, boring into his skull. He sighed, exasperated, and put the book down.

“It was always so exhausting, living in your shadow. No one ever noticed me, knew what I was capable of, oh no, because look at the mighty Thor and his big hammer! Thor’s going to be the best king ever!” He meant it to sound mocking, biting, but the emotion wasn’t there. He was too tired, so tired…

“I noticed you.” Thor said softly.

Loki snorted again, picking up his book.

“But brother… Those lives you took.”

Loki looked up at the thunderer again, then looked away, hating the betrayal he saw in Thor’s eyes. He stayed silent. There was no excusing that, he knew. A number of retorts came to mind - “unruly humans”, “collateral damage”, “they were in the way”…

_I had no choice_

But he knew either one would make Thor’s blood boil. He loved his stupid humans far too much. He didn’t want to anger Thor, not now.

Why didn’t he want to anger Thor?

Instead of speaking further, Loki just pulled the blanket over his shoulders, settling into the mattress facing away from him. “Goodnight Thor.” He said.

Thor sighed, defeated, and lay down next to him. After a while of lying in the darkness, Loki assumed Thor had dropped off. He sighed slightly, curling further in on himself and dragging the blanket tighter around his frame.

“I do not believe you are a killer.” Thor whispered. It was quiet, but it still made Loki start.

Loki chuckled darkly, some kind of emotion, _something_ strong in his chest. “You’d believe wrong.”

* * *

  
_They lied, the torture didn’t stop._

_He gritted his teeth against the blade, carving scars into his back. Thanos loomed above him._

_“You agreed.”_

_“I’m not_ that _suicidal.” Loki spat out around the pain._

_“You want a throne. I can give you a throne. I don’t see the problem.”_

_“I’m not going to kill to get it.”_

_“I’m sure your father, oh sorry, your_ kidnapper _had to kill to preserve his throne. It’s all part of it, and what a glorious throne it would be.”_

_Loki closed his eyes._

_“There are billions on Midgard. So, so much more than Asgard. It would be a throne to rival Thor’s.”_

That _sounded appealing. Loki tried to not let it show on his face._

_“You would be better than him, you would hold more power than him.”_

_Maybe he thought the torch in his side was helping to sway him. The pain forcing him to give in._

_“Show them, Loki.”_

_Loki opened his eyes. He was blurry in front of him._

_“I-“_

“Loki.”

_His head snapped up. A new voice. Who was that?_

“Loki!”

He woke with a gasp, drawing in breath, sweet precious oxygen. It was dark, he couldn’t see. He trashed around, trying to free himself of the weight on his shoulders…

“LOKI!”

Light filled the room and Loki blinked. Thor’s worried face hovered in front of him, his eyes wide with shock. “Brother, are you all right?”

He looked around. He was in the bedroom of their new apartment. He had half fallen off the mattress, ass on the floor, legs still tangled in the blankets.

“Loki?”

Loki cleared his throat, pulling his legs from the blankets, standing on shaking legs.

“I’m fine,” he said, too quickly, making a point of not looking at Thor.

“You’re obviously not, you had a nightmare.” Thor stood, reaching out towards him, but Loki turned his back.

“Well observed.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Loki. Talk to me.”

“No.”

Silence filled the room, broken by Thor’s sigh.

“Loki… please. Let me help you.”

“I don’t need help.” Loki spat.

Thor’s shoulders slumped then. He closed his eyes and took in a controlled breath. “What do you have to gain from pushing me away? You’re my brother, I love you. I don’t want to see you suffering.”

Loki laughed, Thor's words slicing into him like the knife in the dream... “Great. Thanks, brother of the year!”

He snatched his book from the floor and stormed from the room, making sure to slam the door with more force than necessary.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Loki go to ikea. Basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *updating earlier than planned bc i want to get some stuff off my laptop quickly*
> 
> some boring domestic shit ?

Thor gaped at the exterior of the shop - it didn’t look like a shop though, none that Thor had seen so far on Midgard anyway. It just looked like a big blue box.

“It’s huge. Like a palace.” He exclaimed, “an ugly palace, but a palace none the less.”

Loki snorted. “They sell almost everything, apparently.” He said as they strolled though the double doors that opened automatically. Thor still wasn’t used to them. Loki led them over to the moving stairs (why did everything have to be self moving on Midgard?!) and took a map, unfolding it and studying it. “We should be able to get everything we need here.”

“It really is huge.” Thor murmured, taking a peek of the map over his brothers shoulder.

“Don’t think you can handle it?” Loki asked teasingly, one eyebrow raised.

Thor chuckled, “I’ll be fine.” He said. He took in Loki’s features. He, however, did not look like he could handle it. He was extremely pale with dark shadows under his eyes. He was most likely running solely on coffee and pills. The events of two days ago were still fresh in Thor’s mind, when Loki had awoken from his obvious nightmare. Since then, Loki had carried on as normal, an air of false cheerfulness about him, as if to elude Thor.

Loki looked like he could collapse at any moment. Thor decided to keep their visit as short as possible.

“What first?” He asked, keen to get things moving.

“Living room stuff. Sofas, bookcases, that kind of stuff.”

“Can we get an… uh… tele-vision?”

Loki shot him a wary look. “Not yet. They’re too expensive. They’re not a necessity.”

Thor just nodded, frowning. The men at work certainly _acted_ like televisions were a necessity.

“You’ve planned all this,” Thor mused, glancing down at the notepad in Loki’s hands. He had hardly shown any interest in actually getting somewhere to live, but now he was almost crackling with a dampened, depressed kind of energy. Maybe it was a distraction of some kind?

“Someone had to. Besides, you’d probably just waste all our money on stuff we don’t _actually_ need.”

Thor chose not to respond to that comment.

He trailed after Loki in awe, gazing at every single display, set out like a mini home. He almost forgot about getting them round quickly.

They tried a number of different sofas, sitting down on everyone. Thor would wiggle his ass into the cushions, testing out the softness of each one. Once he noticed Loki’s lips twitch up into what could have been a poorly suppressed smile at every time, he made sure to do it again and again. They eventually settled on a black plush couch with a matching armchair. They also decided on a couple of bookshelves. Most of Loki’s belongings had contained books - more than clothes for that matter - and was obviously intending to expand on his collection if the size of the shelves were anything to go by.

“How much longer?” Thor asked after they placed their order for yet more furniture. He made sure to keep the whine out of his voice. Thor found the whole process tiring, so he couldn’t imagine how Loki must have been feeling. He hadn’t had a coffee for a couple of hours.

“A while.” Loki said in a neutral tone, ticking items off his list. “We still need kitchen and bedroom stuff yet.”

Thor bit back a groan.

The kitchen furniture was easy - they already had the essentials, so they decided on stools for the breakfast bar that came with the apartment.

All that was left now was a bed. Thor sighed with relief, the whole experience hadn’t exactly been engaging.

He kept glancing at Loki out of the corner of his eye. He knew how Loki felt about sharing a bed, but Thor couldn’t help but feel like they _should_ given the events in the week. Thor hated the idea of leaving Loki alone, especially now he knew just how vunrable the ex-trickster was. Even leaving him to go to work was difficult. Thor was desperate to offer some kind of comfort, be it just closeness, but he wasn’t sure if it would be appreciated.

“Should we just get the one?”

Loki’s voice broke though Thor’s thoughts. He blinked, “What?”

Loki sighed, irritated, not meeting Thor’s eyes. He never liked to repeat himself, much less now. “Should we just get the one?”

“Are you ok with that?” Thor asked, astounded. He was expecting Loki to silently order two without consulting him, or to violently bite at Thor if he suggested otherwise. He was not expecting blind submission to Thor’s wishes. Loki didn’t submit.

“If you piss me off you can sleep on the sofa.” Loki muttered.

And the bed was ordered.

“That wasn’t fun.” Thor grumbled, slumping down in his seat, stabbing a meatball and shovelling it in his mouth. They were at the cafe now having dinner, or at least Thor was. Loki, as usual, had just settled for a cup of coffee.

“Were you expecting it to be fun?” Loki asked, sipping at his coffee, despite the fact that it was most likely piping hot. If it scorched him he didn’t let it show on his face.

“No.” Thor said around a mouthful of food. Loki grimaced, so he swallowed before he spoke again. “At least we can go home now.”

“Oh. We’re not done.” Loki said.

Thor’s stomach dropped and he groaned. “Really?”

“There’s a whole other section. We still need pillows, blankets, pots and pans, bathroom stuff…”

Thor ran a wary had across his face.

It wasn’t so bad though. They grabbed a trolley and started to fill it between them. Loki seemed to have it all figured out, as he was adding items Thor didn’t even consider to be important, things like soap dispensers and wooden spoons.

Soon, the cart was filled to the brim and they were checking out. Thor let out a sigh of relief, but Loki looked anything but upon seeing the total they had to pay.

Then they were back on the bus, six bulging bags between them. Thor carried the four heaviest and gave Loki the two lightest, but he still sagged under the weight. Thor wanted to offer to carry them but he didn’t - his four were heavy enough. Being human was extremely limiting. He briefly considered learning to drive.

As soon as they arrived home, Loki dumped his bags and made straight for the coffee machine. Warning bells immediately started going of in Thor's mind - Loki was obviously exhausted. He needed sleep, not more coffee. Without thinking, Thor reached out and grabbed his arm, ignoring the small flinch.

“You should sleep.” he said.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Loki growled. He was extremely grouchy. The kind of grouch that was caused by a severe lack of coffee.

“I’m going to. Go to bed.” Thor ordered, as if talking to a child. 

Loki bared his teeth. “I don’t want to.”

Defiantly like talking to a child.

“You can have some coffee tomorrow morning, as soon as you wake up.” He bargained. 

“I want it _now_.”

Thor sighed, formulating a plan in his head. He strolled over to the coffee machine and unplugged it.

“What are you doing?” Asked Loki, unable to help the panic slipping into his voice.

He picked it up and slid it on top of the fridge. He had to stand on his very tip-toes to reach, so he was sure Loki would struggle.

He turned back to his brother, who was staring at him, exasperated. “That was childish.”

“Do you want a snack before nap time?” Thor asked in a mocking coo. He didn’t care about keeping the peace anymore. It was important Loki listened to him and do as he was asked - he looked like a walking corpse.

There was a fire in Loki’s eyes now. Thor knew he was too weak to do anything rash, like storm out, so he stood his ground. He knew the jibe was probably too far, but he willed himself not to care; his patience was wearing thin.

Loki just clenched his fists. Thor could see the cogs in his mind turning over and over, slowed by the lack of sleep. Instead of retorting, Loki’s shoulders just slumped in defeat. “I’m going to take a shower.” He grumbled, before slouching off and slamming the bathroom door behind him.

Thor sighed, making his way into the bedroom. He decided he would make the bed extra comfortable as a peace offering.

He stripped the mattress and laid on the fresh linen they had just purchased. He slipped cases onto their new pillows, stacking three on Loki’s side of the bed, two on his own. He wrestled the duvets into their covers, and laid a few extra blankets on top of Loki’s.

When he was done, Thor flicked through Loki’s pile of read books. Picking out the one with the most attractive cover, he left the bedroom just as he heard the shower shut off. He settled against the living room wall with a pillow for comfort and cracked open the book. He had a feeling his presence wouldn't be welcomed at that moment. 

He heard the bathroom door click open, then the slap of Loki’s bare feet against the hardwood floor and then the bedroom door closing.

Thor decided to give it another hour before checking on Loki. He passed the time by reading, not really paying any attention to the words. After he thought enough time had past, he stood and opened the bedroom door soundlessly. It was dark, from the light in the hallway he could just about make out Loki’s form, dead asleep. His hair was spread out across the pillows, skin the same shade of white as the sheets he lay on. He looked so small amongst the blankets. Too small.

Thor changed into his nightclothes and settled down next to his brother, careful not to jostle his sleeping form. This close he could make out Loki’s breathing. It was slow, quiet and peaceful. Thor hoped it stayed that way.

Unable to resist, Thor leant over and placed a small kiss onto Loki’s forehead, before rolling over and falling into sleep himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya'll can pry the overuse of italics from cold, dead hands


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a little while. I've been doing Art Fight this past month so thats taken up most of my time. Also writers block. Save me.
> 
> You might notice I've added a couple more tags - they're not meant to be spoilers but warnings I guess????? idk 
> 
> thank you for all your lovely comments!

“This isn’t furniture.”

Thor and Loki stood in the hallway a few days later, frowning down at a pile of boxes. Very flat boxes. There was no way any of them contained a bookshelf. Thor poked one cautiously with his toe.

“We have to build them.” Loki said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Ah! Building, I can do that!” Thor exclaimed, disappearing into the living room for a moment. He emerged wearing his tool belt and a hard hat from work.

Loki couldn’t help himself and he let out a low chuckle. “You’re not going to need the hat. Help me move everything.”

They spent a good half hour moving the boxes to where they needed to be. Once the hallway was clear the found themselves just standing there, looking from the bedroom to the living room.

“Where should we start?” Asked Thor.

Loki bit his lip. There was a lot to do.

“The bed?” He suggested with a shrug, “That’s probably our number one priority.”

Thor nodded and they made their way into the bedroom. They unpacked the boxes and were faced with piles of wooden planks and metal screws.

Loki peered at the instructions and then back at the materials. If he was honest, he couldn’t make heads of tails of it.

“Uh…”

“Here brother, leave it to me.” Thor stood, rolling up his sleeves and moving to take the instructions from Loki.

Loki hung on, ‘I’ve got this,” He insisted, “I would actually like to have a bed by three AM.”

Thor sighed, one eyebrow raised. “Loki. I build for a living. Leave it to me.”

“When was the last time something went as planned when it was left to you?” Loki quipped.

“I could ask you the same thing. Who was it who tried - and failed - to take over the world?” Thor shot back instantly. 

Loki’s jaw set, glaring daggers at Thor. But it was clear Thor wouldn’t back down, so he let go of the instructions, hand falling to his side. Thor studied them with Loki watching on warily.

“Ok.” Thor said, moving to the floor to pick up two planks of wood. “These attach. Loki, can you hold them together please?”

Loki just glared at him. He did not want to be ordered around.

“Loki.” Thor warned.

Loki dropped to his knees without a word, holding the planks in place as Thor inserted the screws into the ready made holes and twisted them into place.

A couple hours later they were finished, standing back to admire their handiwork.

“That was quite easy.” Thor said cheerfully. “What next?”

Loki shrugged. “Bookshelves, sofa, kitchen table. Take your pick.”

“Kitchen table it is then!”

* * *

It took them the whole day to get all their furniture built, but to Loki it felt like an age. Thor, however, seemed pretty proud of himself. He walked around the apartment inspecting each item over and over again, a huge grin plastered on his face.

“We should celebrate!” Thor announced, clapping Loki on the shoulder and strolling over to the fridge.

“We should _sleep._ “ Loki mumbled. Not that he wanted to, but he was exhausted after his day of holding up planks of wood for Thor to bash into place.

“Nonsense!” Thor kicked the fridge door closed, holding a six pack of beers aloft. “Tonight we drink!”

Loki raised his eyebrows. He didn’t remember buying beers. “Where did you get those?” He asked.

“A friend at work gifted them to me, if we run out there’s another pack!”

“No, thank you.” Loki turned to retreat to the bedroom, but he was stopped at Thor’s arm around his neck. He tensed, but his shoulders slumped in relief once he realised Thor’s grip was extremely loose.

“Come on, Brother! It’s been too long since we shared drinks.”

“Good.”

“Come on….” Thor taunted, pressing one of the glass bottles to his cheek. He flinched at the sudden coolness. “Don’t think you can handle Midgardian liquor?”

_Damn Thor._

“I’ll have you know I can.” He said, but he took the bottle from Thor’s hand anyway, ignoring his big stupid grin.

They collapsed back on the sofa, sipping their drinks. Thor rambled on about something in Loki’s ear, but Loki was only paying him half a mind. He felt content enough to listen to the thunderers voice, deep and soothing, loud enough to vibrate through his entire body.

The beer was unpleasant, yet Loki drank it anyway, enjoying the feeling it sent though his body. He felt light, as if he could float. His head grew heavy and he welcomed it; he was blissfully sleepy and almost relaxed. It was like the night when he had drunk the vodka…

“Loki? Are you ok?”

“Huh?”

He turned to Thor, who was looking down at him with worry in his eyes. His cheeks were flushed pink from the alcohol. Loki guessed his own must mirror Thor’s.

He had slumped down on the couch without realising, at an angle that strained his spine. He pushed himself up a little too quickly, causing his head to spin. Thor became a fleshy-blond blob in front of him, so he let himself fall back onto the cushions.

“I think I’ve had enough to drink.” Loki said.

Thor sat up along the edge of the sofa, and for a split second he thought Thor was going to leave him for whatever reason. He didn’t. Instead he reached out, fingers hovering inches from Loki’s throat.

Loki froze. What was he doing? He felt his mind slipping into overdrive. Hands by his neck we’re not a good idea-

Thor placed the pads of his fingers to the scar running across Loki’s throat. He traced it lazily, eyes clouded over. Loki let him. He didn’t know why. Thor’s fingers were cool against his alcohol heated skin. Despite himself, he let out a long sigh, melting into the touch.

Thor’s eyes were locked onto his now, suddenly clear of their earlier haze. Loki gazed back, the thunderers eyes unreadable. He had always been able to read Thor when they were growing up, it unnerved him now that he couldn’t. Maybe it was a skill that had died alongside the old Loki.

That’s right… the old him was dead now.

Thor’s hand moved to cup his chin, thumb stroking the skin there. Then he leaned in and put his lips on his.

Thor was kissing him.

He let it happen, lying still under the ex-god, not making any move to reciprocate his actions. Why was this happening? And why did it feel so _good_?

Thor broke away and Loki bit back a whine at the loss. Thor was staring at him again with the same unreadable expression. Except Loki could made out one emotion - sadness.

“I’m sorry, Loki.” Thor said, moving to pull away. “I do not know what I was thinking…”

Before Loki knew what he was doing, he flung an arm around Thor’s neck, pulling Thor’s lips back to where they were moments before. Thor let out a surprised grunt but followed, kissing him back. He guided Loki so he was lying back on the couch, Thor straddling him, one hand caressing the side of Loki’s face as they kissed. Loki’s hands were fisted into the back of Thor’s shirt, just below his shoulder blades.

It was so good, and Loki found that he craved the closeness more and more with each passing second. It was so different to when Loki was on the streets working for those strange men. They rarely kissed him, and when they did it felt so _wrong_.

It wasn’t like that with Thor. It was so pure and tender. Despite everything, despite their upbringing, their past, the feelings Loki had felt towards Thor and his so called “family”, and the battle they had fought just months ago, it felt so right. Loki wanted-needed-more.

It wasn’t until Loki brought his leg up he felt the hardness between Thor’s legs. He froze, his own arousal suddenly bringing him back down to earth.

“Thor,” he gasped against the blonds lips. Thor parted and hummed a response, his hands trailing up Loki’s shirt.

“We… we can’t.” Loki managed. Thor frowned and pulled away.

“Why?” He asked.

“Because…”

“Is it because we were brothers?” Thor asked softly, failing to hide the soft sadness in his voice. Loki shook his head. “No, not that. It’s just… It’s too soon. And we’re drunk.”

Thor sat back on the couch, smiling softly at him. “Of course.” Then after a few moments of silence: “Do you want this? Because I want this. Loki, I love you in… in a different way. I realise now.”

Loki tried not to show his surprise on his face, and he wasn’t sure he succeeded. He looked down at his feet. Thor loved him? Even though he had been so insistent before that despite not being bound by blood, they were brothers.

“I don’t know.” Loki finally said. “I need to think.” Thor nodded in understanding. “That’s fine.” He said.

They sat in silence for a while, Loki couldn’t help but fidget where he sat, but stood before the stillness could grow too awkward.

“I’m going to bed.” he announced, turning his head away from the thunderer.

Loki could just about make out Thor seeking to catch his eye in his peripheral vision, but he purposely ignored it with some difficulty. It was as if there was some invisible force pulling his eyes down to the ground.

“I’ll be in soon.” Thor said. Loki could tell Thor was giving him a chance to be alone.

Loki stripped down to his boxers and pulled one of his loose hoodies over his head. He slipped in between the covers, pulling them up over his head, shutting himself out. He ran his fingers across his lower lip, where Thor’s had been only moments ago. What was that? It was all so sudden, a shock, yet Loki loved the feeling of it - he loved the feeling of the closeness he had been starving himself of. Because it was with Thor.

He curled in on himself, drawing the blankets tighter around his frame. Thoughts ticked over and over in his head. Could he and Thor have something? Or was that impossible? Loki couldn’t even imagine himself in a loving relationship. Wait - he was getting ahead of himself. Thor was… well, Thor. Loki couldn’t possibly have a relationship with Thor, could he?

He found that he really wanted to.

He didn’t know how much time had past before Thor slipped into their room. Loki evened out his breathing and pretended to sleep. It seemed to fool Thor because he climbed in next to him without a word. Loki could feel the heat of Thor’s back against his own, and had to fight every instinct in him to curl in closer.

As he was drifted off, a sudden thought occurred to him - if Odin was watching them, what in the nine realms was he thinking about what they had just done? Loki found himself smirking. He hoped they had shocked the old man to his core.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 16 chapters is a slow enough burn right?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna be honest - i haven't done any writing for like a month aha.... someone kick me up the backside 
> 
> i'm blaming it on the heat. when its snuggle weather i'll probably feel more motivated. 
> 
> lots of tasty hurt/comfort in this one mmmmm. also its long

They didn’t talk about that night, and Thor found himself relived. It was easier to get back into the swing of his job and life in general without talking about it, although it hung over both their heads like a black cloud on a summers day.

Loki seemed… well, his usual self. He would leave for work before Thor woke and would be in the kitchen cooking them - well, Thor - dinner before he returned home. They chatted about nothing much in particular, discussing their days at work, Thor scolding Loki over the amount of coffee he was drinking, the weather. Usual stuff. Everything except what they _should_ be really talking about. Loki would spend the evening curled up on the sofa, nose in a book, and Thor knew from experience not to talk to Loki when he was reading. Or else.

Thor’s arm flailed around blindly, searching for his shrieking alarm clock - a purchase Loki had suggested after Thor had been late for work a more than a couple of times. He hated it. It was loud and piercing, he complained about it but Loki just told him to “stop being an infant and deal with it”, though Loki himself never had to hear it.

Thor sat up, pushing the blankets off him reluctantly and stretched, letting out a huge yawn. He hated Mondays.

A slight groan next to him caught his attention.

He looked down to his left to find Loki still dozing next to him.

Thor glanced back at his clock, it was eight am. Loki usually left at seven.

“Loki,” Thor said, gently shaking him by the shoulder. Loki grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. That was odd. Loki never overslept, and Thor had only seen him in a deep sleep a handful of times. Upon closer inspection, Loki looked a lot paler than usual and a thin veil of moisture covered his face. Thor shook him harder, “Loki?”

Loki cracked one eye open and squinted up at Thor through the early morning sunlight that peaked though the curtains.   
  
“Loki, are you ok?”

Loki opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a hoarse cough. A cough that sounded a lot like the words “I’m fine.”

Thor placed a hand to the ravens forehead. “You’re burning up,” He exclaimed.

Loki knocked his hand away. “I’m fine,” he repeated, which would have sounded a lot more convincing if he could get his voice anywhere near above a whisper. “Go to work.”

Thor couldn’t help but let his shoulders slump. Loki was pushing him away again. Thor decided he wouldn’t let him. If it wasn’t for all their distance in the past, the present could be very different.

“Loki, you’re sick.” Thor said. “Let me care for you.”

“I can take care of myself.” Loki retorted indignantly, before his body was racked with harsh coughs. Thor bit his tongue, resisting the urge to remind Loki of the condition he was in when Thor had finally found him.

Still, Thor shook his head. “I’m going to call into work. I’ll stay home and take care of you.” He said, standing up. Loki didn’t say anything in return. Instead, he glared up at Thor before covering his face with the blanket.

Thor made his way into the kitchen, rummaging through his pile of papers, which Loki detested ("It’s _messy_.” “But I know where everything is if it’s here!” “We have cupboards Thor!”) and pulled out his page of important phone numbers, making a mental note to get him and Loki one of those mobile phone thingies. He lifted the receiver of the landline and punched in the first number - Egil, his boss.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Egil? It’s Thor.”

“Thor!” He could hear the smile in the mans greeting. Thor was lucky that he had kept most of his godly strength when he became human; it was exceptionally helpful in his line of work and bumped him up quite quickly to becoming Egil’s best employee. (Although Egil technically wasn’t allowed to tell him that.)

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to come into work today. My…” Thor hesitated. As their relationship evolved and certain feelings grew, it was getting harder and harder to label Loki. “Friend. Is very sick, I must take care of him.”

“Ah…” Egil said. “Don’t worry about it, Thor. There’s a nasty strain of flu going around this winter. Take as much time as you need - and make sure not to catch it!”

Thor chuckled. “Don’t worry, I won’t. Thank you Egil, I’ll see you soon.”

He hung up and paused, eyes still on the number list. He picked up the phone once again and dialled once more.

“Hello?”

“Mr Hagen? It’s me, Thor.”

“Oh, hello Thor.” Mr Hagen said. “I was just about to phone. Is Loki ok? He hasn’t arrived at work yet.”

“I’m afraid Loki is ill.”

“Oh no. Is it the flu?”

What Thor knew about the Midgardian flu - which wasn’t much, admittedly - Loki’s symptoms seemed to match. “It appears to be…” He paused, then, “Mr. Hagen, how exactly do you treat the flu?” He had never actually encountered the illness before, and he felt well out of his depth.

“Make sure he gets plenty of rest and make sure he drinks lots. Oh, and keep him warm. If you go to a pharmacy they can recommend some medicine for him.”

“Right,” Thor said, taking a pen and scribbling down the information so he wouldn’t forget. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Send him my well wishes.”

Once he had hung up, Thor moved to the sink to pour a glass of water, the filled a bowl and took a washcloth from the bathroom.

When he made it back into the bedroom, he found Loki standing at the foot of the bed - wobbling slightly on his feet and trying to tug a shirt over his head. Thor was by his side instantly.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked, hurriedly setting the glass, bowl and washcloth on the bedside table. He pulled at the other end of the other end of the shirt until Loki emerged, looking very disgruntled. He glared at him with watery eyes, hair plastered to his forehead with sweat.

“Going to work,” He said simply, sniffling slightly. “I’m late.”

“No you’re not.” Thor scolded, pushing Loki so he sat heavily on the bed. He turned to the wardrobe to find a clean set of comfy clothes for him to wear. “I’ve phoned Mr. Hagen. You’re not going anywhere until you’re well.”

He turned back around to see Loki looking at him with a questionable expression. He may have been trying to scowl but his eyelids were beginning to droop, dampening the effect somewhat. Thor sighed and pulled the fresh cotton shirt over Loki’s head, manoeuvring Loki’s arms though the sleeves. Loki made no move to help him - he seemed to be dozing where he sat.

There was another problem, however. Loki had managed to put on a pair of black skinny jeans. There was no way Thor could let him sleep in them - it would be way to uncomfortable with the amount he was sweating. Not that Loki seemed to care. Still, Thor hesitated before tipping Loki back onto the mattress and pulling the jeans off, trying not to dwell on just how intimate the action seemed. Loki just blinked lazily up at him, too out of it to be the slightest bit fazed. Thor pulled the blankets up to Loki’s chin without a word, tucking them snugly around him. Loki grimaced, struggling to get his hands free before resting his head back on the pillows and closing his eyes, too weak to do anymore.

Thor sat at the side of the bed and gently nudged the sleeping raven back into consciousness, glass in hand.

“Loki,” he said, mindful to keep his voice low. “You must drink.”

Loki glared up at him, but made no effort to move - or perhaps he couldn’t. So Thor carefully slipped a hand to the back of Loki’s neck and propped his head up, placing the rim of the glass on his lower lip. Loki drank slowly, Thor making sure he didn’t choke. When the glass was empty, Thor gently lowered his head back into the pillows. Loki’s eyes closed once again.

Thor dipped the washcloth into the bowl, wringing out the excess water before applying it gently to Loki’s cheek, wiping the sheen of sweat there. He did the same to the remainder of Loki’s face, even his neck, dipping past the jagged scar on his throat, which still caused Thor’s heart to lurch every time he saw it. He wasn’t sure if Loki was aware of the small sighs of contentment leaving his lips. The coolness of the cloth was obviously pleasant against his too-fiery skin; so Thor decided to fold it up neatly and balanced it on his forehead.

“I’m going out,” Thor told him, unsure if Loki could even hear him. “I won’t be long. Will you be ok by yourself for a little while?”

Loki moaned. A moan that sounded like a “yes”, so Thor took it as a good sign. Not that he had a choice either way, he needed to get Loki some medicine.

Thor toed on his boots, shooting glances back into the bedroom all the while. Loki hadn’t moved and his breathing had evened out, so Thor picked up his keys and made his way out the door, shutting it carefully behind him.

Luckily, he knew where the nearest pharmacy was. Loki had once woken him up in the middle of the night to get him more paracetamol. Thor was beginning to think he was becoming to reliant on the stuff. He was there within no time at all and found himself confronted with bottles and boxes full of concoctions claiming to do pretty much the same thing. He stood, staring blankly at the shelves for a few minutes before caving and asked the kind looking lady at the register for help.

He ended up leaving with a bag loaded with remedies, which unfortunately contained more painkillers. There were also cough syrups, menthol rub and lozenges. Even some porridge mix that Loki would find easy to eat and hopefully keep down should be begin to feel nauseous.

Thor could have only been gone for half an hour at the most, but once he entered the apartment he wished he hadn’t left.

Loki was slumped against the wall of their hallway, legs sprawled out in front of him, breathing hard. His eyes were closed, head tipped back against the wall, a fresh layer of sweat coating his face.

“Loki!” Thor hissed urgently, dropping to his knees beside the other man. “What are you doing out of bed?”

Loki’s head lolled to the side, and he cracked one eye open to look at Thor.

“I needed the toilet. Then I got tired and decided to sit on the floor for a bit. Am I not allowed to do that now?” Though his voice was weak, it was still laced with sarcasm.

“Go to the toilet yes, sit on the floor, no.” Thor slid an arm around Loki’s shoulders. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

He helped Loki stand, or rather dragged him up, most of his weight on Thor’s chest and Thor took it. Loki coughed all the way back to bed, and once he was tucked up again Thor left to change the water in the bowl. He sat back at Loki’s side and resumed wiping his face. Loki tried to swat his hand away, but Thor persisted. Eventually Loki melted into Thor’s touch, eyes fluttering closed.

“Don’t go to sleep just yet,” Thor pressed a hand to Loki’s clammy cheek, causing Loki to open his eyes again and glare up at the thunderer.

Thor lifted the glass to Loki’s lips and helped him take a few sips of water. Once he was done, Thor went to retrieve the bag from where he had discarded it in the hallway. Loki eyed it cautiously.

“Worry not, it’s just medicine.” Thor told him reassuringly, cracking open the bottle of cough syrup.

“I don’t need that.” Loki’s voice was strained, as if holding back a cough.

“Yes you do.” Thor told him, pouring some of the syrup into the lid and pressing it against Loki’s lips. He pressed them tightly together, trying to crane his head away from the offending liquid.

“Loki.” Thor said sternly. Loki looked up at him and narrowed his eyes, defiance written into every inch of his face.

Thor sighed, defeated. He poured the syrup back into the bottle and capped it.

“I’ll leave it here, Loki please take some, you’ll feel a lot better.” Thor begged. He sincerely hoped Loki would take some within the next few hours - he didn’t fancy being kept awake by Loki’s splutters.

He wasn’t sure if Loki had heard him; he was already fast asleep.

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, important update time. 
> 
> for various reasons, I've decided not to continue this fic. I'm not going to go into all of the now, but one reason is I just don't have much care for this fic anymore. i would have continued it regardless, but as i said, there are quite a few reasons. 
> 
> i've written 20 chapters and for me thats a personal record. even though i'm dropping it i'm glad i got this far. 
> 
> a lot of things are tied up at the end of chapter 20, which is why i've left it there. i was going to start a whole new plot line after but eh. its not an abrupt ending, though there are still a lot of loose endings, but its a place where the story could have ended naturally.
> 
> once i've posted chapter 20 i'll be happy to answer questions about what would have happened. 
> 
> sorry. you guys have been great.

Loki was burning up.

Thor had left him to rest for a couple of hours, settling in the living room to read and flick through catalogs, deciding on what electronics to buy. When he ventured back into the bedroom, Loki’s breathing was laboured and he was sweating profusely.

He wasn’t sure what to do - the washcloth didn’t seem to be working at this point, and Thor wasn’t willing to call a doctor just yet. Besides, Loki would kill him. No, he would have to try by himself first.

“Loki,” he murmured, nudging the raven gently. Loki stirred but did not open his eyes, instead he screwed them up tighter and moaned lightly.

He sighed, getting to his feet and made his way into the bathroom. A plan sprang to mind - He was going to get Loki in the bath to cool down. However he wasn’t sure how effected that would be as Loki seemed so unresponsive that Thor wasn’t sure how he was even going to get him into the bathroom.

Thor ran the tap, holding his fingers underneath until it was at the right temperature - cool but not freezing. He didn’t want to make Loki even worse.

He returned to the bedroom in a quick march. Loki was exactly where he left him, pale even in the dim evening light and sweating as though he had just fought a battle. Faced with no other choice, Thor stripped the blankets off the mans slight form and gathered him up in his arms like a maiden. Loki’s eyes cracked open at the sudden movement and gazed blearily up at Thor, unfocused.

“Ok?” Thor asked.

Loki didn’t reply, his eyes just drooped shut again.

Thor settled Loki on the cool tile, head propped up against his chest. With one arm wrapped around the ravens waist, he used the other to test the water. Once he decided it was at a suitable warmth, he shut the taps off.

Silence filled the bathroom and Thor gazed down at the greasy top of Loki’s head.

Without thinking too much, Thor started to strip Loki of his clothes. It felt wrong, with Loki so out of it and Thor couldn’t help but dwell on just how intimate his actions were. I’m just taking care of my baby brother, he told himself as he stripped off Loki’s boxers.

Trying to keep his eyes on Loki’s face, he gathered him up in his arms once more - shocked again at just how light Loki was - and gently lowered him into the water. Loki’s eyes cracked open once more and a small sigh escaped his lips, gaze drifting over the water that surrounded him.

Thor sat awkwardly at the edge of the tub, one arm still wrapped around Loki’s boney shoulders for support, he was sure if he removed it Loki would just slip down under the water.

The jagged scar on the younger mans throat caught his attention, just as it often did, but now with no barrier of clothing it seemed to radiate like a beacon against Loki’s white skin. Thor took the opportunity to examine it closer. It had obviously been a deep and painful wound. The attack most likely happened months ago but it was still an angry red and stood raised above his snowy skin.

Another scar caught his eye. An older one this time, but still looked quite recent. It was on his chest, not too far from Loki’s heart.

Since Thor had found it, more and more seemed to be popping up right in front of his eyes. Another newer one on his thigh and not to mention countless others littered across his body, over his ribs and across to his back. These ones were old. Old enough that they could have only occurred when they were both still gods.

It took a lot to scar a god.

“What happened to you?” Thor breathed, clutching Loki’s shoulders tighter. Loki didn’t reply.

Thor felt the minutes tick by, watching cautiously as Loki’s eyelids fluttered open and closed, eyes unfocused.

After what seemed like an eternity, Loki’s skin seemed to reach a healthier temperature. It was by no means normal, but he at least he wasn’t scorching to touch.

Thor gently removed his arm from Loki’s shoulders and the raven stayed where he was, finally able to support his own weight. He didn’t seemed to be with it in the slightest, but at least he wasn’t slipping underneath the water, so Thor took the opportunity to wash Loki’s hair. Albeit awkwardly, Thor began cupping the tepid water in the palms of his hands and pouring as much as possible across Loki’s greasy locks, taking parts of his hair in his hands to wet it further. Thor found the whole task strangely relaxing and he couldn’t help the upward twitch of his lips as he massaged shampoo into Loki’s scalp.

“Thor?” Came a sleepy voice from beneath his hands.

Thor shot back with surprise, moving lower on his knees so he could take Loki’s face in one hand.

“Loki,” he exclaimed breathlessly, “How are you feeling?”

The raven’s eyes were still unfocused, but at least he was looking somewhat in Thor’s direction - a point just past the thunderers right shoulder.

“Thor,” Loki slurred again. “Thor. I didn’ want to…”

Thor pulse sped up slightly. “Didn’t want to what?” He asked, trying to keep the urgency from his voice. For all he knew, Loki could just be chanting feverish gibberish. But if Loki was about to confess to something, talk about his feelings then Thor wasn’t going to protest. He could finally get the answers he was seeking about this whole entire mess.

“I didn’ want to.” Loki repeated, eyes dropping down to somewhere around Thor’s heart. “I didn’ want to. Not at first. He made me. He told me to, he-“

Loki stopped abruptly, eyes dropping closed again. Thor shook his shoulder firmly and his eyelids flew open once more.

“Don’t fall asleep, stay with me.” Thor said softly, adrenaline rushing though his veins at the prospect of answers. “Keep talking to me. Didn’t want to do what? Who made you?”

“New York.” Was all Loki said before his head lolled to the other side, his lips dangerously close to the surface of the water. “Didn’ wan’… Not at first… He was gonna kill me after anyway… Wanted to prove myself…”

Thor’s heart clenched. “Loki, you didn’t have to prove yourself.” He breathed, “To anyone.”

Of course Loki just ignored him. Maybe he couldn’t even hear him. Instead he kept chanting his mantra of “Didn’t want to… Didn’t want to…”

So Thor just resumed washing his hair, running his fingers though the inky strands, hoping the soothing motion would calm Loki down. It seemed to be working, soon enough Loki’s chants became whispers and his eyelids started to droop again.

Thor gave the tricksters hair once final rinse, holding a palm over Loki’s eyes so the soapy water wouldn’t sting them. It took him a while to get all the shampoo rinsed out, and Thor mentally cursed himself for not using a jug to scoop the water.

Loki still had a fever, but he was significantly cooler than he had been so Thor was satisfied. He drained the tub and lifted Loki in to his arms, not caring that it made his clothes damp, and settled him on the floor to wrap him in a warm fluffy towel before gathering him up again to carry him back to their room. Loki’s arms snaked around Thor’s neck and he froze as his hands interlinked at the base of his hair. When Loki settled again, Thor let out a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. Loki couldn’t hurt him in this state, he told himself. Besides, he wasn’t sure if that was what had unsettled him.

Once they had reached their room, Thor tried to deposit Loki back into the bed but Loki clung on, with strength surprising of his current condition. Thor sighed and didn’t press it further, instead he held his dripping wet, naked not-brother in his arms. He decided he would stay like that for as long as Loki needed.

“Thor?” Loki said again, voice small and vulnerable. Thor looked down. “Yes?” He asked softly. Though Loki’s voice had sounded clearer, his emerald eyes were still slightly unfocused and lidded, but he was looking at Thor’s face this time. “I’m glad you’re not my real brother.” He said in a voice that was barely audible. “I love you, Thor.”

Thor froze and he thought for a second that maybe his heart had stopped. He fought to keep his breathing even, with Loki pressed so close to his chest he didn’t want to startle him with a sudden change in movement. Instead he choked out, “What?”

Loki’s eyes were closed and his breathing even. His mouth was slightly open, and he drooled against Thor’s shirt.

Thor lowered the raven down onto the mattress, removing the towel and dressing him methodically. It had been ages since Loki had told him he loved him. Too long. /I’m glad you’re not my real brother/. What did he mean by that? And to follow up a statement like that with “I love you”? Thor couldn’t make any sense of his thoughts as he pulled the blankets over Loki’s frame. They were going at a million miles per hour. With what had happened the other night fuelling his questions further, Thor got up and paced up at down their room. Did Loki just say I love you in a family way? But if he did why say he was glad Thor wasn’t his real brother? Or was Loki completely delirious and had no idea what he was saying?

Gods, Loki really was going to kill him one day.

Thor lay back on the mattress fully clothed next to Loki’s sleeping form and closed his eyes, praying for his thoughts to calm and for blissful sleep to come.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Loki’s fever broke the next day.

He still felt like utter shit. His entire body still ached and all the lights were too bright and coughs still ripped at his throat. But he felt more alive than he had done the previous day. It was safe to assume the worst was done with.

“Are you going to eat?” Thor pressed him for the second time that morning.

Loki just glared up at him. “If I do, I’ll make sure to throw up over your side of the bed.” He scowled. He hadn’t actually been sick - there was nothing to throw up after all - but with his stomach doing summersaults every two minutes he wasn’t sure he wanted to risk it.

Instead he drank the water Thor pressed into his hands and even the honey tea, which felt like a million tiny angels were kissing along his ragged and rough throat.

Thor hadn’t gone back to work, instead he fussed over Loki in his every waking moment. Loki was well enough to complain at this, but still too ill to tell him to fuck off.

Thor was being to caring, too nice, too thoughtful and very much not Thor-like and it was starting to hurt his head. And make him feel things he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to be feeling.

Of course, the other night still played over and over again in his head on a never ending loop. He and Thor had kissed. That was a new development. And Loki hadn’t totally disliked it. In fact, he really, really liked it. It felt so right and so natural and in Thor’s arms he felt so safe and secure - emotions he thought alien to him at this point. And he wasn’t totally opposed to going further than just kissing.

Maybe Odin _had_ seen what they had done and had sent this plague to punish him.

Was he going to bring this up with Thor? No. Did he want it to happen again? Yes. He would just have to hope it would happen again. Although nothing went Loki’s way these days. Did Thor even want it to happen again?

“We should talk.” Thor said. He was perched on the side of the bed, face illuminated by the evening light pouring in though the window. He wore a serious expression. Loki immediately tensed. Oh no.

Loki tried his best to look nonchalant, even though his heart rate at picked up considerably. Loki did not want to have a conversation about “feelings.”

“About what?” Loki asked innocently.

“When you had that fever… You were saying some things.”

Loki’s blood ran cold. Fuck. Loki couldn’t barely remember anything about the previous day. Everything was just a blurry, sweaty haze. He certainly didn’t remember saying anything to Thor that would warrant that expression.

“What did I say?” He asked cautiously.

Thor shifted slightly where he sat. “Well, you were burning up. You got really sick so I put you in the bath-“

“You bathed me?” Loki interrupted, feeling a flush creeping up his face. It wasn’t that Thor had seen him naked, they bathed together plenty in their youth, it wasn’t even that their situation had drastically changed. No, Loki thought with a shiver of all the scars that littered his body. He hadn’t told Thor about everything that had happened to him during his time on Midgard, though his scars probably told Thor most of the tale for him.

“I had to.” Thor explained firmly. To his credit, he didn’t look too abashed. “You were boiling over. I needed to lower your body temperature before you got sicker.”

Loki eyed him cautiously but Thor didn’t say anything else. “What did I say?” Loki asked again.

Thor sighed, running a hand though his hair. A voice in the back of Loki’s mind told him Thor wasn’t supposed to look that serious. “You weren’t making much sense. You kept saying you “didn’t want to” and “he made you”.”

Loki froze and a sick feeling rose from his stomach into his throat. Thanos. He was talking about Thanos. He had told Thor about Thanos. He was so, so stupid. How could he tell Thor about Thanos-

“Loki? Are you ok?”

Loki blinked. Thor looked even more concerned, if that was even possible. Loki’s horror must have shown on his face.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He said, too quickly.

Thor’s brow furrowed. “Loki. This is a serious matter. What happened in New York was… well, it wasn’t good. If someone made you do it then we could clear your name-“

“I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. About. It.” Loki said in between gritted teeth, fighting with everything he had in him not to have a full blown panic attack in front of Thor.

Thor sighed. “Ok.” He said. “But Loki please, when you’re ready, please tell me what happened to you.”

Loki took a deep breath. He didn’t want to. Why didn’t he want to? He could clear his name. But Thor would think him weak. Thor would pity him, Thor would think less off him. Thor would worry.

_Thor might stop loving him._

“Ok.” He said. Just to get Thor off his case, he told himself.

Thor looked relieved. “Thank you.”

Even though the conversation seemed to be over, Thor still sat before Loki, wringing his hands. There was something else.

“What /else/ did I say?” Loki asked. He had a feeling this next conversation might be a little bit harder.

Thor met his eyes and Loki fought the urge to look away. “You said you love me.” He said finally.

Ah.

Loki closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillows. He had no clue how he was going to get himself out of this one, so he just resigned himself and said nothing.

The minutes ticked by.

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you, too.”

Loki’s eyes shot open and he spluttered, which turned into a full on coughing fit.

When it past Thor was patting his back, expression unreadable.

Loki wasn’t sure what to say, so he settled on, “Why?”

Thor raised an eyebrow and chuckled slightly. “I ask myself that all the time. No, Loki, I love you. And I mean it.”

Loki sat up straighter and met Thor’s eyes.

He wasn’t lying.

“That’s a bad idea,” Loki said, hoping that he was successfully suppressing his glee.

“I don’t think so.” Thor’s hand came to rest on the back of Loki’s neck, that achingly comforting and familiar gesture. Loki let himself lean into it. Thor smiled widely.

“It can only go up from here.” Thor told him, rubbing soothing circles into the base of Loki’s skull with his thumb.

“Hmmmm. I think not.” Loki murmured. “Knowing my luck.”

“We’ll take each day as it comes.”

Thor shifted closer and wrapped his other arm around Loki’s waist. Loki let himself relax completely so Thor was pretty much holding him up. Gods, it felt so good. To have Thor hold him, to relax completely because he _could_ , because Thor was there with him.

He could have been considered weak at that moment. He found he didn’t care. 

* * *

  
Thor went back to work the next morning. If he was honest, Loki was glad. Having Thor fuss over him was irritating. Though deep down, he did appreciate it.

He still felt weak and shivery and he found himself coughing more than he liked, but he was beginning to go stir crazy. Thor had given him explicit instructions not to leave the apartment and as much as Loki wanted to disobey, he was pretty sure he’d be craving a nap as soon as he stepped outside the building. So he resigned himself to the comfy couch, wrapping a blanket around himself and curling up with a book and a piping hot cup of coffee.

After a while he found his mind drifting, eyes drawn away from the book by the steadily falling snow. It was December now, and the weather had changed accordingly. Even with their heating on Loki still found himself cocooned in blankets. He was lucky he worked in a toasty warm bookshop, because the thought of doing Thor’s job in this weather made the hairs on his arms stand on end.

/Work/ he suddenly thought, getting to his feet and reaching for the house phone. He had been off for a few days - Thor had said he’d spoken to Hagen when he had first gotten sick, but as far as he knew, not since.

He dialled the number.

“Hello?” Hagen picked up after the third ring.

“Mr. Hagen? It’s Loki.”

“Loki!” Hagen exclaimed. “How are you? Are you feeling better?”

Loki stifled a cough. “A lot better, thank you. I’m sorry for being off for so long. I should be able to come back to work within the next few days.” There was no way he was going to keep what was left of his sanity and stay cooped up in the flat for much longer.

“Don’t be silly, you had flu. But it would be good to see you again. Just don’t force yourself, ok?”

“I won’t.” He lied, but relaxed as they went deeper into conversation. “How’s it been at the store?”

“It’s getting busier. It’s Christmas soon and everyone seemed to be getting a head start on their shopping.” Christmas. That was one of those Midgardian holidays. Loki wasn’t all too familiar with the topic. “It’s great for business.”

Loki nodded. “I’ll be back to help you with that,”

Hagen chuckled. “Thank you, Loki. I’ll see you soon.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET
> 
> the next chapter is mostly porn so yup... took them long enough eh?


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well damn, we're here
> 
> even though i planned to write more i'm still declaring this fic completed just so i feel better about myself

Loki tried to read for the rest of the day, but found his brain was just moving too fast for him. He ended up laying back on the sofa and staring at the tiny cracks in the ceiling.

He would have to tell Thor what happened. In his stupid feverish state he had blabbed about Thanos and now Thor knew. He closed his eyes, running a hand down his face and let out a wary sigh. He hated thinking about what had happened in that place, he had no idea how to talk about it without becoming a mess. He was hoping Thor would be patient with him and wait until he was ready.

And Thor… he was a problem in himself. Thor knew he loved him, and Thor loved him back. Not as brothers. Where did that leave them? “We’ll take each day as it comes” - what did that even mean? Who was Thor to him now? Were they going to carry on as they had been or was Thor expecting to be greeted with a “welcome home!” and dinner on the table? Were they going to have sex? Loki shivered slightly at the thought. It seemed wrong to think about but also strangely appealing.

Also, having sex with someone he loved because he wanted to would be quite the change, and Loki hadn’t realised just how much he had wanted that.

Would Thor even want to have sex with him? Loki wouldn’t want to have sex with himself, why would Thor? After everything he had done, too.

He shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. Sex was most likely a long way off. First things first, he would need to apologise. His gut clenched. He wasn’t used to apologising and actually meaning it. But he had caused a lot of problems, even he realised that. Caused Thor a lot of pain. He needed to do anything to make that right.

Maybe the fever had given him brain damage.

* * *

Thor returned home that evening in a good mood as he always did, humming a happy tune to himself as he walked though the door.

“I’m home!” He called out.

“Welcome home,” Loki said absent minded, not looking up from his book. He curled his toes in anticipation as he tried to prepare himself for what he was about to say.

Thor ruffled Loki’s hair as he walked past him to the fridge. “Have you eaten? I went to that McRonalds place after work and had a cheeseburger - it was delicious!” He informed him as he cracked open a beer.

“McDonalds.” Loki corrected him. “And no, I haven’t.”

“Are you still feeling unwell?” Thor asked, tone suddenly concerned as he made his way back over to the raven and placing a palm on his forehead.

“I feel fine.” Loki said curtly. Then he sighed, his shoulders slumped. Now was a good a time as any. “Listen, Thor…”

He looked up, Thor was frowning down at him. Loki took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” He said finally.

He cringed inwardly. He had always hated apologising, it was something he was never particularly good at, especially when he actually meant it. “For all of it. For New York, for killing your friend, for killing the mortals, hurting your friends, stabbing you…” Although that was still quite funny. It always was. “For letting you believe I was dead. For how I behaved back at Asgard-“ Actually, he wasn’t all too sorry about that. He thought his anger was quite justified. “You’ve been nothing but good to me whist we’ve been here on Midgard and I’ve been nothing but a little shit. I’m sorry.”

He must have said it all in one breath because suddenly he felt slightly light headed. After a while he bit the bullet and looked up at Thor.

Thor was staring at him, mouth slightly agape, eyes wide. He clearly wasn’t expecting that. The hand that held his can of beer was beginning to slack, and Loki feared its contents would soon be all over their hardwood floors.

“I won’t be a dick anymore.” Loki said, just to break the silence. “Well, I can’t promise that. I think it’s just in my nature. But I’ll try my best.”

Thor closed his mouth, seeming to have control over his expression because it relaxed, it almost looked like he was frowning.

Fuck. Loki began to think he had said something wrong. He replayed his words over again in his mind, picking at them, trying to find where he might have slipped up.

Thor turned his back on him and Loki felt his heart sink down to his toes. Thor strode over to the kitchen counter and set down his beer, then he turned back around so quickly and made his way towards Loki so fast that Loki thought he was about to attack him. He steeled himself, bracing himself for the blow he knew he deserved.

It never came. Instead, Thor’s lips were pressed against his. Hard.

Loki was too shocked for a moment to even move - not like he could, Thor had pinned his shoulder to the back of the couch. But after a while he snapped out of it and kissed Thor back, hungrily. Thor’s stubble burned at his lips and cheeks but he didn’t care, pressing into it as much as he could. It was just as intense as it had been that night only days ago.

Thor broke away, leaving them both breathless and panting. “Sorry,” Thor gasped, “I’m just relieved. Happy.” He cupped Loki’s jaw in the hand that wasn’t pinning him down and caressed his cheek with his thumb softly.

Loki wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about that, and he didn’t want to care. So instead he took advantage of Thor’s relaxed stance and flipped their positions, pushing Thor down on the sofa, straddled his lap and kissed him deeply, hands on either side of Thor’s face.

Thor didn’t seem to mind. His hands roamed as he explored Loki’s mouth with his tongue, pausing only to nip at Loki’s bottom lip.

Thor’s hands found their way under Loki’s hoodie and shirts - it was a cold day after all - and rubbed at his back, his shoulders and finally ran his fingers over Loki’s chest. Loki groaned into the thunderers mouth and Thor took that as an invitation to push up Loki’s many layers and tug them over his head. Loki raised his arms a little to help him. Once the offending clothing had been discarded, Loki wasted no time in putting his hands back on Thor and tugging at the hem of his shirt. Thor swatted his hands away and leaned back to take his shirt off himself. Once it too was on the floor, Thor pressed his forehead to Loki’s, hands firmly on the top of Loki’s ass.

“Shall we move to the bedroom?” Thor murmured, his voice sending shivers up Loki’s spine.

“Yes.” He gasped, wrapping his legs around Thor’s hips as he stood, one strong arm slung across Loki’s back and the other under his ass.

They stumbled blindly to the bedroom - it taking twice as long as it would have usually due to the fact that neither of them could see where they were going.

Thor dumped him ungracefully onto the sheets and was immediately on top of him, palms either side of his face. Loki reached out and tugged at Thor’s belt buckle and Thor dropped his head down so Loki could capture his lips in his.

Loki fumbled with Thor’s belt, struggling with the buckle. When he got it undone he attacked his fly next, yanking it down with little grace. Thor pulled back then.

“Are you sure?” He asked breathlessly. He was still close enough that his blond locks tickled Loki’s cheeks, his breath ghosted his lips and Loki could see that his pupils were blown oh so wide…

Loki had never been so sure of anything in his life.

“Yes.” Loki hissed, capturing Thor’s shoulder and pulling their lips together once more. Thor was fumbling with Loki’s own loose trousers now, and he lifted his hips slightly to allow Thor to tug them and his boxers off in one fell swoop.

Loki was suddenly hyper aware of his exposed length pressing against the cloth of Thor’s jeans, the bulge beneath it only heightening the sensation. They both groaned at the friction and Loki pawed pathetically at Thor’s jeans still hanging around his thighs. Thor broke the kiss to dispose of the offending items and Loki whined at the loss of contact, but he was back only seconds later, grinding his hips down onto Loki’s groin. Loki moaned outwardly into Thor’s open mouth as their cocks made contact.

Loki moved his hand between the two of them and pressed their lengths together, grasping them both in his fist as Thor moved back and forth. He heard the bigger man groan as he dipped his head down to the crook of Loki’s neck and began to kiss and suck marks into the pale skin. Loki tipped his head back to allow him better access.

He could feel the pressure building inside his stomach and he curled his toes, digging his spare hand into the blonds shoulder. “Thor,” he gasped out, “I’m close.”

At that, Thor drew back, leaving Loki panting and confused beneath him.

“Not yet.” Thor breathed, his lips swollen and his face tickled with blush. “I wanna make you feel real good, Loki,” He said, laying his palm flat on against the pale skin of Loki’s stomach.

Loki couldn’t help but keen at those words. “In my bag,” he said breathlessly, gesturing to his rucksack in the corner of the room. “Front pocket.”

Thor climbed off the bed and ducked down to Loki’s bag, Loki propping himself up on his elbows to watch him as he pulled the little bottle out. He approached the bed again. “Why do you have this?” Thor asked.

“Don’t ask questions.” Loki snapped, grabbing Thor’s huge bicep and pulling him close. He didn’t want to go into that right now. Luckily, Thor didn’t question him further and continued to kiss him, grabbing him by the hips until Loki felt his backside collide with Thor’s balls. He shivered.

“How do you want to do this?” Thor asked, sitting back on his heels and pouring lube onto his fingers.

Loki bit his lip. “Maybe don’t put it in.” He said. He was painfully aware that they didn’t have any condoms, and they had to do it right. Loki wanted his first time with Thor to be perfect.

Thor nodded. “That’s fine,” He said, leaning in and placing a quick peck at Loki’s lips.

Thor’s fingers teased around his entrance for a few moments before he slipped a finger inside him.

Loki gasped at the slight burn. Luckily for him it had been a while, but he wasn’t quite as used to it as he was a few months ago. Still, ultimately it felt good. Loki reached down and grasped Thor’s cock in his hand again and started to stroke slowly along the shaft as Thor’s fingers continued to tease around his entrance.

Thor slipped a second finger in along with the first and Loki groaned at just how full he felt. And it was only two fingers. Thor’s fingers explored his insides until he found what he was looking for. Loki bucked his hips up and let out a long moan at the sensation. Thor grinned as he continued the massage at that spot.

Holy moly Loki wasn’t going to last long. He panted heavily as Thor continued to caress his sweet spot, fingers scrambling for purchase on the sheets, fingers digging into Thor’s shoulders, his hair, his cock… anything to keep him from falling back over onto the sheets.

He was so close now.

“Thor,” he mewled pathetically, resting his forehead against the blonds. Thor’s fingers sped up in response and all Loki could do was let out broken moans and pump Thor’s dick harder, trying to reciprocate the pleasure he was receiving.

“Loki,’ Thor whispered against his lips. His own breathing had quickened and Loki could tell he was close too.

Loki’s hand came to rest on Thor’s shoulder, fingers digging into the skin so hard he was likely leaving a mark. Thor’s other hand came up to stroke Loki’s own cock and moments later he was spilling into Thor’s hand with a cry, shivering with the force of his orgasm.

Thor wasn’t far behind. Despite his post orgasm haze, Loki kept up his speed and soon his own hand was wet with Thor’s come.

Thor’s fingers slipped out of Loki and in turn Loki dropped Thor’s softening cock. They sat together panting, Thor’s arms now around Loki’s waist, pulling him close in an embrace. Loki wrapped his own arms loosely around the blonds neck, head resting on his shoulder.

“I love you Loki,” Thor murmured against his hair, placing a soft kiss just above his ear.

Loki found himself smiling against Thor’s skin. “I love you too.” He said. And he meant it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well damn, there you go.
> 
> thank you to EVERYONE who has supported this fic! you're feedback means the world to me <3 
> 
> if you were reading this just for the porn then congrats, you made it! i've never written porn before so... 
> 
> maybe one day i'll pick this up again, this was going to be the first part of a series after all. who knows 
> 
> thank you so so so much, my dear readers 
> 
>  
> 
> if any of you are fans of Detroit Become Human I'm writing fic for that now, give them a read if you want!


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